‘Twas the night before his vasectomy and all through the house…
Tomorrow’s the big day.
I have known this day was coming for a while.
I knew it was a possibility after we had our second baby in as many years.
And I knew it was a probability after the very happy surprise of Baby #3 was on our horizon less than a year after that.
We’d agreed that if I had to have a C-section for this last baby, I’d have my tubes tied at that time. So I knew when I was able to have our last baby naturally that my husband would be the one to next go under the knife.
I know it’s financially the most responsible thing to do as a household where we both work in order to make ends meet.
And I know how incredibly lucky I am to have a husband so willing to do this for us.
But what I didn’t know was how solemn this would feel.
The reality of closing one of the most adventurous, most joy-filled chapters of my life is setting in tonight. I do believe that the best is yet to come for my little family, but this ending is tugging at me a little more than I’d expected.
Coincidentally enough, Facebook reminded me today that it was on this day four years ago that we found out we were expecting our first.
What a difference four years can make…
Since I didn’t meet my husband until my thirties, my timeline was a bit different than I would’ve liked. We got married two and a half years after we met and began trying for a baby shortly thereafter. Took almost an entire year, but we finally got that positive pregnancy test. Nineteen months after Baby #1 was born, we welcomed Baby #2. And seventeen months later, we were welcoming our caboose.
It was a lot of babies in a little time.
Having back-to-back babies has been chaotic and hilarious and exhausting and humbling and joyful and messy and absolutely the greatest ride I have ever been on.
And now it’s time for this particular ride to end so we can board another.
Tonight I am especially grateful that for the ability to calmly make this decision for our family on our terms instead of being thrust into it because of medical issues beyond our control. Many, if not most, couples in this position generally make the decision to have a vasectomy several years after having their last child, sort of “leaving the gate open” to see if they’ll want to welcome another child down the road before “closing the gate.”
But we weren’t that couple since we working with a different timeline entirely due to our ages and late start. The surgery is taking place less than 4 months since our last baby was born (and just under the wire since we met our deductible after his birth).
I assume the finality of “closing that gate” hits every woman differently, and they run the gamut of emotions from sadness to excitement and everything in between. And that is very much what I’m doing tonight.
As my husband lay sleeping next to me, I am fighting back tears knowing there will never again be another moment of shocked excitement standing over a positive pregnancy test or having another vernix-covered miracle placed onto my chest.
I know it’s the right decision for our family, but it’s also the most bittersweet.
My entire adult life was spent looking forward to having a family of my own someday, and I’d waited longer than most for that dream to become a reality. For the past 5 years, our lives have been a cycle of trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, caring for a baby, and starting the cycle again less than a year later… and then starting it once more. Constantly in the throes of parenting tiny humans.
It’s like we’ve been going back and forth from swimming to treading water and now we are climbing aboard a boat and heading somewhere else, somewhere we’ve never been.
And right now in this moment, I’m having to force myself to focus on the excitement of what lies ahead of us on this journey instead of mourning the beautifully chaotic leg of it we’ve been on our entire married life.
UPDATE: ‘Twas 7 months AFTER the vasectomy…
And we both say it’s one of the best decisions we’ve ever made!
The procedure was quick and he said the said the pain was minimal. (When I asked how the recovery was, his exact words were that it felt like he’d “been kicked in the b*lls for about a week afterwards but that was it.”) He received his “clearance” about 8-10 weeks after the procedure to confirm it was successful. The ability to be intimate with my husband and not worry about getting pregnant is definitely the biggest plus for both of us.
Our littlest love turns 1 next month. We were joking a few weeks ago when he turned 10 months how this is “usually when we’d be having another.” There have already been times I’ve seen see a snuggly newborn and the desire to have another has washed over me. But being in the trenches with three ages 3 and under sweeps that desire out of mind in a matter of moments!
Overall, DEFINITELY recommend.
