The 3 Little Words that Gave Me the Best Sex of My Whole Life
This past New Year’s Eve, my husband and I decided we’d try to stay up to see midnight, something we haven’t really done since we’ve had kids. We’ve been living that “2 under 2” life, so sleep is generally the priority. But after the babes were in bed, we poured a little champagne and clicked around Netflix for a bit trying to find something to watch.
Nothing really caught our attention, but we eventually found ourselves with the TV scrolling through screensaver photos while we were deep in conversation.
And, strangely enough, the conversation was full of stories we hadn’t ever really told each other before. Mostly from college and those crazy after-college years. Maybe it was the nostalgia, feeling like we were newly dating and getting to know each other again. Or maybe it was the bubbly we’d been sipping …
Whatever it was, it made all the difference.
I don’t have many inhibitions left after being with my husband for nearly a decade, but I do have a few insecurities (I’m looking at you, post-baby body). As things got heated up, I made the very impromptu decision to, if only for just this once, get out of my own head and try to see me — all of me — the way he sees me. And because my husband makes it no secret that he’s wildly attracted to me, even this latest version of me — this exhausted and in the throes of parenting an infant and a toddler me — it wasn’t all that hard to do.
The hard part was pausing the way I see myself.
I decided that the easiest way to get from A to B would be to just say YES.
I gave him a secret “Yes Day” that night. And it was THE most fun I’ve ever had in bed.
I knew that to see myself as he sees me, I would have to let him actually SEE me — let him look at me without grabbing the sheet to cover up, let him touch that squishy below-belly-button area without batting his hand away.
Just let him love me the way he wants to love me in that moment.
It’s hard for me to quiet the noise inside my own head. It’s like there’s a constant ticker of what I need to do, pay, order, remember, cook, wash, pack, etc., and those thoughts creep in from time to time, even during the sexiest of sex. But they didn’t this time, and I believe it’s because I was so intentional about focusing on the moment — and focusing on HIM in that moment. I won’t pretend that it wasn’t hard to get out of my own head, but I will tell you that once I started to quiet that voice I usually listen to, things changed drastically and for the better.
The first thing I noticed was that I could focus on exactly how he was touching me. He obviously knows how I liked to be touched, but I realized that without my interference, he was touching me in what felt like new and different ways.
He was touching me like he was touching me for the first time.
Because I liked that feeling (read: because I liked that feeling A LOT), I suggested bringing in a blindfold so I could dull that sense to focus more on the others. We’ve used these on occasion, but this felt especially enjoyable because I was so hyper-focused on feeling what he wanted me to feel. I was focused on what him touching me really feels like in that moment, not what may or may not be happening next. And it was hands-down the most sensual experience of my life.
While I’ve truly never had any real complaints about our sex life prior to this night, I felt so much closer and more connected to my husband afterwards. That feeling spilled over everywhere else, too. Obviously I was in a better mood over all, but even my husband noticed I was also more patient with our kids (probably because I was simply more relaxed). My husband and I were flirtier with each other, which made me all giggly and excited. He’d definitely enjoyed himself that night too and wanted a repeat.
I won’t lie to you and say that every time we’ve been intimate since that night has been that level of “wow” — I honestly don’t know if anyone could sustain that! There have definitely been those “hurry up and let’s do this before we go to bed” nights (we’ve got two under 2 and are TIRED). But there have also been many more “repeat” nights, too (with me being on the receiving end of a secret “Yes Day” session more than once). We have had the best sex of our lives over the past 8 months, and I owe most of that to just saying yes.