My Sibling’s Parent Died, and I Didn’t Care
I love my sibling. We talk almost every day and share memes and have all the crazy stories to reminisce on. But we’re half-siblings, so have different experiences with our parents. Once upon a time I was close to my step-parent, but as I grew older, I realized what a toxic person they were. I distanced myself and wanted nothing to do with them. It was clear my sibling had a very different experience with this person. I didn’t want to take away from their relationship, it wasn’t my place, so I kept my opinions to myself.
Then one day, my sibling called and told me my step-parent had died. Not in a “passed away in their sleep” but in a “oh, wow I wouldn’t wish that for anyone” way. But no matter how much I tried, I didn’t care as they told me. I cared for my sibling. I felt bad that they were dealing with this and in the manner that it happened. But I shed no tears. I barely offered condolences. I was stunned and shocked, but there was something in my mind that was like “well, this is how it ends” and “is it karma?” I feel for my sibling. I hate that they had to lose a parent and in such a tragic way. I hate that they have to deal with the aftermath and their crazy family. I feel sad for my nieces and nephews who won’t know their grandparent. But I don’t feel anything for my step-parent.
Does it make me a bad person? Why should I grieve someone who caused me a lot of pain and physical abuse? Not to mention the emotional abuse and a toxic family. I was robbed of a lot of my childhood because of my step-parent. Should I grieve or is this a normal response? How do you even begin to feel sadness when it almost feels like relief?
I would never tell my sibling. I want them to know I am there for them no matter what; my past relationship with their parent has no impact on ours now. I still offer an ear and talk with them about their parent and offer them love and support, but I can’t muster up feelings or emotions directly related to my step-parent. In the past I held onto a lot of hatred, but when this happened, it turned to nothing. To quote TS, “It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.” I think I have to be okay with that and not make myself feel sorry for not grieving for someone I disliked.
