I’m Not Everyone’s Cup Of Tea…And That’s Ok
It’s happened several times, so I can usually feel it coming on. Someone in my presence wrinkles their nose when I come around. Or they conveniently leave the room or fall silent when I enter.
“Ah, here we go.” I think. “I’ll steer clear of them, they just don’t like me. Oh, well.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m human, and it stings a little. Particularly when I thought they enjoyed my company, or when I really looked forward to theirs. Some people are terribly good at faking it! (Why they do this, I don’t know, if I ever figure that out it will certainly be another post.) But, largely, once I discover that someone does not care for me, there are no hard feelings, I deal with them as much as social norms or our particular relationship dictates, but I have trained myself to not take it personally.
The truth is, I’m a lot. This particular personality “rose” goes by many names – my best male friend defines women who are not shrinking violets as “brassy.” I have been described (along with almost every woman in my family) as just plain “loud.” And then there are those who don’t beat around the bush and just say I’m obnoxious. Which, of course, I can be. If you’re gleaning from my tone that I don’t mind any of these terms, you’re spot on. Once, while gabbing with another brassy broad, a lifelong friend, we agreed – if you don’t like us, you: 1. may have caught us on the wrong day 2. you may be overwhelmed by our…US-ness, or 3. we just may not be for you. And that’s ok. Because, as I tell my kids when they become upset that people don’t like them – what other people think about you almost has nothing to do with you. Unless they make it obvious or terrorize you, they are entitled to their own opinion of dislike of you, even if you don’t want them to, or even if you like them. I wouldn’t want someone who I didn’t care for to try to force me to like them, why should I try to force affection?
Recently, I felt that familiar, unpleasant but not world-crushing feeling. Someone who I thought was a friend was (all of a sudden) clearly not. There were some unsuccessfully concealed eye rolls, some controlled whispers.
“Aw, crap.” I thought. And I spent the rest of the day a little glum.
Later that evening, as I was scrolling on my phone, a text popped up from a friend of mine I used to work with. I had been thinking about her recently since the social media algorithm had not been kind to us, and I hadn’t been seeing her on my feed lately. I had made a mental note to myself to reach out to her to see what she was up to, but here she was, reading my mind! We texted back and forth for a bit but soon decided that we were long overdue to get together for coffee. I chuckled to myself as I thought about the difference in the meaning of the word “coffee” between the two of us! She’s a flavored, double-whip, iced-sweet foam type of gal, and I’m more into hot and traditional.
We have our differences of taste and opinion, like all friends; but we adore each other. Her text came at just the right time, and I told her so. It reminded me that chicks like us are pretty awesome. She could also be considered “brassy,” and – God help me, I absolutely love her for it. She’s not changin’ her personality or demeanor for anyone.
And that’s something we have in common, too. I’m not gonna stop being ME for any amount of tea! Sure, some people dislike me, but I’ve experienced instant, lasting friendship and devotion, too. For every eye roll or exasperated sigh I’ve gotten, I have received multiple more spontaneous laughs and clasping, emotional embraces. I’ve experienced long, deep conversations and too many lasting and meaningful friendships to count. I AM a whole lot. But plenty people think I’m a lot of somethin’ good.
So, if this is something you struggle with (and don’t we all sometimes?), I hope you remember any one of these words. Not all relationships are evergreen, some are just for a season, maybe even less. And I bet there are plenty of people who are liking a whole lot about YOU, too.
