Don’t Shame the Moms Who SEEM to Have Their Act Together

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the following from other moms, I would be living in Fiji on a private island:

  • “I wish I had that much time on my hands.”
  • “I have too many things to do to be on time.”
  • “Just wait til you have more kids”
  • “You must not have a job!”
  • “You have a lot of help. Must be nice”
  • “Good for you. I don’t have that kind of time”

It is very sad to me that as a mom who really does have most of her ducks in a row, I get picked on about being prompt and ready for the day.  I am sorry if I choose to spend my time making pumpkin waffles, making crafts from Pinterest, painting art for my kid’s room, or just decorating for holidays a little earlier than most.  Actually, I need to stop apologizing.  It makes me happy.  It makes my family happy.

News flash: I don’t always have my “stuff” together, but I do always make sure I do the following so that my life is a little less chaotic and more stress-free:

1. If you are continuously late, make it a point to start your day early.

Wake up an hour before your kids do. Start a routine of waking the kids up earlier. For some, this may be hard. Make it a new habit and give it a try. Waking them up and forcing them to get dressed and rush out the door is not a good way for them to start their day. I make sure my son is up 1 hour before we have to leave so he can watch cartoons, eat breakfast, play, and get dressed to leave on time.

  • Start breakfast earlier.
  • Dress them earlier.
  • Leave earlier.
  • Arrive everywhere 15 minutes early.

2. Don’t Procrastinate.

If a project is due in 1 month, pretend it is due next week. Then you won’t need to worry about it again. Waiting until the last minute will cause you stress, which your child(ren) will feed off of. Two stressors don’t make a right.

3. Get a planner/calendar.

Mark it all down. Playdates, doctor’s appointments, etc.

Create a manageable schedule.

Don’t overcommit. I know it can be hard to say no.

4. Layout clothes for the next day.

Seriously, it takes 5 minutes.

5. Prep lunch or snacks for school the night before.

6. Always have snacks.

In your purse.

In your car.

7. Make time for you.

1 hour a week get a massage.

Exercise (I need to take my own advice here)

Walk the dog(s).

8. Most importantly, ask for help when you need it.

So on the days you think a mom’s life is “easy,”  just remember that we sometimes wear a disguise.  A brave mask.  A happy smiling mask.  Some of us are good at hiding stress.  Some of us are good at putting ourselves together, even when we want to scream.  Being a mom is hard enough, why can’t we just be happy for the moms who seem to have figured it out, or figured out a way to make life a little easier.  Even if it is just a small effort, why attack?  Why not embrace and encourage?  Why not ask for advice?

We moms who choose to do that little extra something, leave a little early for carpool, and arrive early to every party are not perfect, but we are good at faking it.  Come join us.

Erika Lockhart
My name is Erika Lockhart and I am married to my best friend and favorite pain in the butt, Chris. We have the cutest little boy, Zane, who is 4 years old going on 21. We also have two 4 – legged children, Laney – an American Bulldog and Nelson a pit bull/German shepherd mix. I was born and raised in Harvey, on the Bestbank, but now live in Metairie. I am full time employee for a healthcare consulting company where I lead the New Orleans Market in provider engagement efforts. I enjoy taking vacations, going on road trips, my monthly girls dinner club and my favorite hobby is spending the weekends with our families. If you lived with me, you would probably think my favorite hobbies are laundry, doing the dishes and watching Blippi on YouTube, because that’s most of my day.

7 COMMENTS

  1. I love this post❣️ You are so right! The more preparing you do, the easier life can be! That’s a plus because live in it of itself can be so stressful. Thanks for the post!

  2. Right there with you. The key is to say NO – to commit only to the most important thing(s). I find this is the hardest feat for most women. We often want to take care of it all, big or small, leaving us exhausted at the end of every day. But after many years of practicing saying no, I now feel more in control of my family & life. Like my mom always says, “As long as you accomplish just ONE thing a day, at the end of the week, you will have seven, and end of the month, thirty.” It is always helpful to have a supportive partner. Makes all the difference.

  3. Hey I agree totally. I get a lot of, “I don’t have time.” It kills me. I sent a ranting email to a room parent about this. Coming from someone who works 40-60 hours a week, runs 5 miles 3-5x a week plus all the other stuff you mention I just make time. But it’s because I like it. I love to craft. I love to decorate. I love to be busy. And I have a lot of help from my spouse. I think rather than say I don’t have time just say I would rather do (fill in blank, which can honestly include nothing) because that’s who I am. If you want to do nothing and just relax in the precious time we are Given just to keep sane that is each person’s perogative. Don’t make me feel bad about doing a lot of stuff and don’t say I don’t have time.

  4. Girl, don’t get me started. I HATE this sentiment: “Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, and happy kids.” I happen to keep my floors and my kitchen clean and I keep the laundry piles under control. So are you telling me I’m not a good mom and my kids aren’t happy? Can it get any more judgmental? It’s pretty well established that humans function better in a clean, organized environment, and frankly, I’m pretty grossed out by dirty houses. As housekeeping has become undervalued, undermined, and outsourced, there has been an effort to justify unhygienic conditions by condemning those who keep clean houses. I find it interesting that some folks have hours to spend on social media but no time to clean the kitchen.

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