I knew it was going to be hard, but damn!
Every conversation I have with friends or family: “Hey, how are things going?”
Me: Generic answer, “Everything is fine! We are doing great! Said child is growing up so fast.”
But in reality, I am not ok.
I am tired, stressed, overwhelmed, and unhappy. That is what I want to say, but how? As a mom, we are supposed to be strong. I have a little person depending on me for EVERYTHING! So how can I give this person the world when the world is not being kind to me?
How Did I Get Here
When I realized I was pregnant, I thought the world was over. I was not excited. I mean, I was unmarried and about to have a kid, so what does that mean for my relationship?
I heard stories of breakups and challenges when couples have children. It became a goal to make mine last. I wanted my baby to see the love of family, joy, and happiness that comes from a two-parent home, even if we were not married yet, and that one day Mommy and Daddy will be the example of a beautiful relationship. You know the things we grew up watching or even hearing from family. But, as of right now, I am in a relationship where I am alone.
Yes, my child’s dad does the typical dad things. He is there to “help” but only under his terms. And it seems I have to beg to get a little assistance with damn near anything. So I rather just do it myself. It’s like pulling teeth. Oh, I am not going to start about priorities; I am not here to bash. Our child loves his dad – the hero in the story.
What I’m Trying to Say
These past few years have been very tough. I am fighting a battle with my mental health every day. I feel a space of loneliness where the people who are closest to me are not even here for me. It’s me and my baby against the world. And that’s the reason why I am surviving. My baby doesn’t need to feel like Mommy gave up. She needs to understand that eventually, Mommy will get out of this chapter, and the journey to self-discovery will come back.
So for any mom out there who has many toxic people around them, feeling alone, reaching out for help and no one hears you – please, do not give up! If not for your kids, then do it for yourself. At one point in life, you were someone, before the many hats and responsibilities were all on your shoulders. It is ok to find that inner person again. Set that example and be the story everyone needs to hear. I am going to get out of this feeling soon, love, and be the example I know I can for my baby and I hope that you will too.
Praying for us all,