Why I Love Co-Parenting with My Kids’ Step-Mom

Sharing my kids

I never really thought about how I would feel if I had to “share” my kids with another woman. I spent the dark days of my divorce just trying to make it through each moment, learning how to exist in my new life. Eventually, I remarried and knew it wouldn’t be long before my ex-husband did, too. Sure enough, his girlfriend and her children became close with the boys and built a relationship. I expected to feel jealous or anxious, but it didn’t come. Instead, I was excited that they would have other kids to play with and that someone with “mom skills” would be available if they needed it while at their dad’s.

It’s Officialstep-mom

Now, over a year later, they are married. She is officially their Step-Mother, and her boys are their Step-Brothers. So far, she is kind of incredible. She loves them and they love her. She respects the fact that I am their mother and defers to me on the important things. She is kind, honest and works hard to keep open lines of communication so that we can create a consistent environment for the kids. She keeps them busy, helps care for them and supports their interests. She hugs them, has nicknames for them and helps them learn how to be responsible human beings.

Reassurance

A part of me feels like I should be jealous. A piece of me wonders why I really love seeing them jump into her arms and yell “Hi Ms. —-!!” when she picks them up for Boy Scouts. Instead, it’s comforting and reassuring to know they are in good hands when they aren’t with me.

As it turns out, this Step-Mom thing is pretty awesome: for all of us!

Tara is a mom of four and lives in Metairie with her husband, kids, dog, birds and turtle. When she's not at home with her circus, she's at work or taxiing children around the city. Her favorite holiday is Mardi Gras. Tara loves to read, drink KranzCoffee and eat Double Stuff Oreos.

8 COMMENTS

  1. This attitude will earn you years of peace and happiness. It can only benefit your children to have more adults who can love and care for them unconditionally.

  2. Thanks so much for this great outlook! My divorce is almost final and their Dad and I are a really solid team. We’re on the very best of terms and a great team. I so appreciate your honest take and really gives me something to look forward to, so many people to love our children!

  3. As a stepmom, I had no idea what entering into a blended family meant. It’s a challenge for everyone. In my family, we are all fortunate that the kids’ bio-mom has been so open and generous in sharing her kids’ love. She is the linchpin that makes this work. I am forever grateful- and truthfully surprised- by her acceptance. Even when the kids initially rebelled against me, she made it clear to them that we are all a team and they do have to listen to me. She trusts me. I appreciate her. There are sure to be differences along the way but our togetherness will see us through. I do credit her with that.

    • This is awesome! It’s nice to hear we are progressing with co-parenting in general! I feel like I see more “amicable” divorces than not these days and it makes me happy for our children.

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