Dating After 40 as a Single Mom

Dating After 40 as a Single Mom

Dating after 40 is not for the weak! If you are newly single after many years of marriage and are now in your “Dating Era,” I can sympathize with you. Today’s dating is not like the past. You are now competing with a career, kid schedules, and putting in time on dating apps … let’s be honest, that shit is a chore! Meeting people out & about isn’t as easy anymore because your title is “Mom” and this my friend may require a sitter. Proceeding with caution to ask family because no one wants them to know your business.

As you navigate the apps and have many conversations going at once, you feel as if you are on non-stop interviews. I am supposed to be the one interviewing, not being interviewed! I was doomed out of the gate. I remember thinking, “What the hell? Do people only text and message these days?” Then you realize your biggest competition is social media, a highlight reel filled with filters.

Woohoo, I’m getting swipes! Is there interest? Is he a “frequent flier” on the dating scene? Is he surveillance? Will he be okay with my kids schedule? I’m on the every-other-weekend, no-kid schedule. Someone has to be okay with only four days out of the month where I am completely free. Call me old fashioned but I prefer to speak to someone rather than texting and DM’s. This is no longer normal, so much has changed! I am now stressing, overthinking, and have a mindset that there’s no hope. An important question is where are they in the single process? New and still navigating a divorce, living their best life, or are they ready for a commitment? Although all of this seems very premature for a first date, I would rather not waste my time.

Great, now names are popping up in the car, across the dash, and on my phone. Whoop Whoop! I am happy but my nosey sidekicks are in tow, yikes! The solution … change the names and turn off bluetooth. You get a nickname, you get a nickname! I am officially referring to my friend group with the names; Swamp, Dump Truck, and Detective. I have become scared of my kids as if they are going to punish me for having a male call or text me! I can’t even let them know Mom is going on a date but I’m the parent! The pressure is on!

Anything can and will be considered a date. The best ones are lunch dates. They end! Feeling awkward, you have to get back to work! Having a weird feeling, changed your mind. It’s a work day, you have a meeting! Be safe. Meet in a safe location if you are driving together. Things are different these days and you have little people living in your home. Respect your space. Make sure someone knows where you are and who you are with. Don’t share too much personal information.

Eventually, I found a good one and not from an app. He was okay with all of my rules and my schedule. Plus we spoke on the phone! Be patient, it’s a roller coaster ride but hang on tight! My words of wisdom, don’t push it. Should you and the person not mesh on all levels, move on. Remember, this is YOUR do-over. Do it by your rules! Stick to your requirements. We all come with baggage at this age but value yourself. Toleration is what happens when we must be around people for a set amount of time. It doesn’t mean you have to devalue yourself to maintain peace with someone’s ex. There’s privacy, secrecy, and boundaries, learn the difference. Ladies, if they are only texting and messaging, they are only fishing, casting the reel, and waiting for the first bite, especially at night. Boy Bye! Finally, if something is important to you such as religion, family, etc. DO NOT BEND. It will bother you eventually.

Brandy Baham
Brandy is a Single Mom of two, Riley (14) & Cruz (13) and resides in St. Charles Parish. She has a degree in Psychology from Holy Cross College and is a Middle School Science teacher. During her free time she can be found cheering on her kids in whatever extra activity they are participating in. For fun she likes to try new local restaurants.


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