Message from the author: please read to the end.
When You Don’t Like Your Spouse
Some days I don’t like my husband. There are times when he frustrates me to no end. There are moments where I find fault in every action, every word because darn it, he’s just grating my nerves. There are hours when I put my head in my hands and think, how are we going to get through this?
Divorced and Remarried
I wonder what part of my history makes me so intolerable to certain things. In therapy, we’re told to manage expectations and this by far is our #1 issue, but I’ll get more into that shortly. I do believe that our past lives create more stressors for us sometimes. Despite what we expect, sometimes marriage is not forever. I know that each day we have to WORK and that every moment together is a choice.
Even though I don’t like my spouse sometimes, I always LOVE my spouse. This and this alone is what gets us through each teeth-grinding moment of frustration. No matter how frustrated I get, I love him and know that this is one moment of many moments. I like my spouse 99% of the time, so the 1% is truly small, even though it doesn’t feel like that in the thick of it.
Counseling is Key
We’ve been going to therapy for years. I highly recommend going to marriage counseling before you need it. One of the most important things I’ve learned in marriage counseling is to manage expectations. The (not-so) simple task of ensuring your partner knows what you need and when, what you expect of them specifically and to know what they expect from you is key to a healthy relationship. When we do have breakdowns in communication, it almost always goes back to expectations that weren’t managed and these are solvable.
Marriage isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s worth every trying moment when you foster a healthy relationship. A friend recently told me – it’s okay to be pissed off sometimes! I am definitely the “positivity type” and feel guilty about being negative, though I know it can be a healthy emotion, in moderation. My husband told me the other day that a fight we had enabled us to really understand each other’s perspective so it accomplished what we needed, in the end.
Choose to Overcome
So when you don’t like your spouse, remember that you love them. Remember this is temporary and try to manage expectations. If it happens more often than your comfortable with, find someone objective to speak with. Remember that marriage is a choice and you are choosing each other, every moment of every day.