Good mourning Vanessa, I know you didn’t sleep well last night, and yet you still feel like this is all a bad dream. Let me tell you, I hate Monday mornings. This is not the conversation that I wanted to have with you. I mean, all of the times that I have visited LA, I envisioned bumping into you on Rodeo Drive inside the Chanel store and chatting about the latest shoes and bags. As much as I hate to say this, girl I know your pain. We now share a journey and here are 5 things that I want you to know:
1. The day after, you will be in a “fog” and it won’t seem real.
You don’t want it to be real. Your phone will be ringing. Notifications will pop up. Text messages will be nonstop. Vanessa, turn the phone OFF. Hide it. You don’t need anything to remind you of what you already know. You are living in the moment and unfortunately, there is nothing that anyone can say to you at this time to make you feel better. These five things surely won’t.
2. You will replay the day over and over in your head.
You will think about those last words you spoke to your husband and daughter. You will question everything about those last moments. You will question God. There is nothing that you could have done differently to change the outcome.
3. You will feel every emotion possible.
Sadness. Anger. Go in the bathroom and hide. Then scream and cry if you need to. Every single day. It’s been 35 days and I still do this.
4. You don’t have to be strong.
Don’t let people tell you that you are. This WILL break you and it’s ok. You will be ok. I know this because I, too, have lost a child and a husband. You will miss them everyday. I am surviving. That’s what we have to do.
5. This is your journey.
Yours alone. No one can tell you how to grieve. Some people will say the wrong things to you. Don’t be offended, they just really don’t know what to say to you.
I’m sorry that we now share this bond. It sucks. Take it day by day. Moment by moment. Grieve on your own terms. Do what you need to do for yourself and kids. That’s all that matters. Nothing else. There are so many people who are praying for you. Kobe and Gigi are your two angels watching over you now.