Social media, the news, the Huffington Post, and society all tell us what being a “good mom” means. It usually involves cooking healthy meals without high fructose corn syrup, brushing teeth twice a day, giving baths, helping out with homework, teaching “yes, please, thank you, no sir, etc.,” inventing Oscar-winning games, and filling out a whole day’s worth of science-based activities. Of course, mothers should do that while pursuing some kind of career to shut the feminists’ mouths, and they should do it with grace. Most of us doomed mothers feel like we are swimming in an ocean of constant guilt and failure. I have felt that way more than once in the past. It’s just exhausting to be focusing on raising healthy and happy children 100% of the time; but then, I always regret not doing what I consider is the “right” thing. I guess, like most other moms, I just want to be a good mother to my daughters.
Let me tell you what makes ME a really good mom.
- I am an awesome mom because I spent one hour binge-watching Netflix two days ago.
- I am an exceptional mom because I will get a massage in two weeks.
- Most of all, I am a great mom because I have a drawer full of lingerie.
Why? Pretty simple. I cannot be a good mom without taking care of myself. I want to show my best self to my daughters. My best self is not exhausted, out of patience, or angry. My best self feels pretty, empowered, confident, and sexy. Yes ladies, I am a sexy mama. And so are you. If you have lost yourself in the last couple of years because you’ve been raising a child, then get out there and find yourself again. It’s so important and if you’re a little like me, you have to miss those pre-baby days every so often. Being able to have dinner late, sleep in, watch TV on a rainy day … I hadn’t realized that having to take care of only myself was a luxury. It’s something which belongs to the past now. However, I want to feel like a woman in control sometimes too! And lingerie allows me to wear something sexy with no one knowing – not even my child.
It’s there, somewhere. That little piece of silk or lace. The remnant of your years before baby. It’s a bra, a cute panty, a garter, or a stocking. It may be in a box, on top of an armoire, in the attic, or behind your stretched-out yoga pants. Get it out! Look at it! Remember the connection you felt to your man when you had the fabric on (and possibly off, soon after)? So what if it doesn’t fit anymore? That’s a great excuse to go shopping for new items. Because wearing a thong with a bustier are just not that comfortable while running after a toddler around the house … I have chosen to “invest” in new pieces, like a bra, or stockings with adhesive seams, because a garter belt can feel tight around my thickened waist. I wear lingerie because it makes me confident and feminine. It has nothing to do with feeling sexual or even wanting to be. I feel pretty, even with the extra 10 pounds that I gained with baby 2 and haven’t lost yet. I am no supermodel, believe me, and a lot of the bras and sleep items I now wear allow me to nurse. But it’s all about me. Just knowing that under my stained-with-baby-spit clothes I have something really nice and delicate makes me so happy. Somewhere, I did not give my whole self to motherhood. My dignity remains!
It took me some time to feel comfortable with my new identity of being a “mother.” Let’s face it; women are highly sexualized in the US, and it can be hard to enter Victoria’s Secret with a baby in a sling without feeling embarrassed. So I like to order my lingerie online, and otherwise, I actually purchase it in France at my local grocery store. Scandalous? Nope. If you are French and reading this, you know just as well that Auchan and Carrefour (the equivalent of Kmart, Target, or Walmart) carry very nice lines of lingerie at an affordable price. So there are bras and panties among the croissants and wine bottles.
Being a mother and an attractive woman are complementary, not opposite!
When I had my first daughter, I fully embraced motherhood, and somehow, lingerie got thrown out of the picture. I had this stereotype built in my mind about what I should now wear, read, and even feel like. I had buried my womanhood into the past, and nowhere was there room for lace, silk, or va-va-voom camisoles. As if I denied myself access to being a woman, I could not be a sexy woman and a good mother at the same time. I had it all wrong. To be a good mother, I need to feel like a strong woman. For me, it involves lingerie. It always did before, and there’s no reason it should change now that I have children. It does not make me superficial. It actually empowers my body; that same body which carried two babies. My drawer of lingerie is my secret superpower and ego boost. Bonus :: I can’t deny that my husband likes it too.