My Dirty Little Secret :: I Take An Antidepressant

Thinking back, I have felt off for years. I always chalked it up to life being busy, me being high energy, and having low patience. Over the last few years, friends from different circles have casually discussed their antidepressants / anti-anxiety medication. I am so thankful to have friends that are open and honest about their mental health. It is because of those friends that I recognized something amiss in myself. One day it finally clicked “what if I have anxiety?!”

Since my annual OBGYN appointment was coming up, I decided to have a conversation with her. Mental health is no joke, and I was disappointed by my doctor during our discussion. I gave her a description of how I was feeling and she asked if I was depressed or had anxiety. My response, “what is the difference?” I am not in the healthcare profession. I know nothing about mental health. I am clearly asking my doctor for help. How am I supposed to decipher between anxiety and depression on my own??? After I shared more details, she gave me a prescription for a low dose of Lexapro without clarifying whether she thinks I lean more towards anxiety or depression.

Getting on medication has been life-changing. Lexapro probably is not the perfect drug for me. It is not going to be the perfect drug for everyone. Medication isn’t always the best answer for everyone. However, it has shown me that what I have not been feeling like the best version of myself. I still don’t have the perfect dosage, but I am working on it.

As grateful as I am to my friends for talking about their experiences, I am still ashamed of my own. Unfortunately, there is still a stigma around mental health issues and taking antidepressants. I hate that I am not bold enough to say it loud and proud. Hopefully, I will get there eventually.


  1. Maybe the title adds to the negative stigma. Try seeing a mental health care professional. OB can and do prescribe, but it’s not their area of expertise. Glad you are taking care of yourself and don’t be so hard on yourself!


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