It seems inevitable that no matter what decisions we make as moms we will often second guess ourselves. It must be in our nature to always worry about our kids. Are they happy? Are they eating enough? Are they learning and growing? I suppose we never really know, we just hope and pray we are doing the best we can.
Making the best decisions
I chose this topic because guilt is something I struggle with myself, especially right now. Writing about it feels therapeutic for me, assuming there are other moms going through the same thing. Based on my doctor’s recommendation, I need to start weaning my 5 month old from nursing so I can focus on treating a back problem I’ve suffered with for years. While I knew it would likely come to this, I still cried about it. It helped that my doctor was once a nursing mom herself and very supportive. I needed to hear, “You’ve done a great job getting this far and should be proud. Now it’s time to focus on making you the best mom you can be. That means getting you healthy again.” My husband reminded me that things can always be worse, everyone has their own cross to bear, and we are too blessed to be stressed. I know it’s the best decision, but I can’t help but feel like I failed.
Other things in my life as a mom don’t usually cause me as much guilt, but I still feel inadequate at times. There are days when my toddler’s breakfast is a granola bar and smoothie in the car. But it’s an organic bar and green smoothie so that makes it better, right? I keep telling myself that. As for the five month old, I know he doesn’t get the one on one attention Jude did. I guess that’s just what happens when you have more than one, because Jude no longer gets the one on one either. I heard somewhere that for the first baby, when the pacifier falls on the floor you sanitize it. The second baby, you wipe it off on your shirt. The third baby, you let the dog lick it. Not that we get lazy, but we just lose the energy and aren’t quite so neurotic. We work so hard to keep our kids healthy, and then we catch them eating stale goldfish out of their car seat. Le sigh.
The kids are alright
I’m trying to focus on just doing the best I can, knowing my kids will love me no matter what and they are going to be okay. I don’t need to be the World’s Greatest Mom; I can just be the best mom for MY situation. Everyone’s is different: dinner might be oatmeal, quiet time might be TV time, the house might be dirty, and clothes might be wrinkled. We made it through another day, working and providing for our family, making everyone feel loved and appreciated. Now I just need to tell myself that. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.