Dear Baby Girl,
You are perfect in every way. We love you just the way you are. We can’t wait to meet you.
Mommy and Daddy
That is what I have said to my baby girl several times since we found out that baby #2 is going to be a girl. It usually immediately follows one of the following comments:
- Oh no another girl, I guess you will have to try for #3.
- Is your husband disappointed?
- Well at least you can reuse your clothes from the first one.
- You had an IUI right? You know you can do gender selection pretty easily.
- Third time is the charm.
First off, what is wrong with people?
Secondly, we are so blessed to have this new addition to our family. As I have written about in the past, my husband and I have been through a loss and a struggle with secondary infertility. So when we found out that we were expecting, we, my husband included, didn’t care about the gender of the baby. We were just too excited to be parents again.
From the second you pee on the stick, you are in love. You are not in love with a baby pending finding out the gender. So it is disturbing to me the reactions that we have gotten as people, friends and family included, find out the gender of the baby.
In the 20 week anatomy check, we asked to make sure that everything looked and measured correctly first before they told us the gender. Because in the end, making sure baby was healthy was our #1 priority. Gender was secondary. It did not matter the gender; we would love our baby just the same.
However, I feel that I need to constantly remind my baby that she is loved even though she will be our second girl. Not because we are disappointed in any way, but because of the comments that we have gotten.
I feel as though I have to justify to others that we are excited to welcome her into our family. I have been hurt by the comments, taking it very personally, and have responded defensively. This little baby is a blessing and not a consolation prize. I mean, if we don’t care about the gender, why do people try to stir the pot? It is such a negative thing in what is such a happy time. As the mother, I am in the butterflies and unicorns stage where my baby is just wonderful; so don’t rain on my parade.
The question “are you trying for a third one?” makes me the most crazy. First off, that is a horribly personal question. There is something about having a baby that people feel invited to ask you intimate things that they wouldn’t normally ask you about your boobs and uterus.
But I am more offended by the fact that this little baby is not even born, and people are already looking beyond her birth. I mean, can’t we focus our attention on this little one, just like we did when her big sister arrived?
I am sure this is the same on the reverse side. If you had two boys, people would want to know if you were going to try for a girl. But the point I am trying to make is, why isn’t the answer just “congratulations!” Why does it have to be loaded?