To the Side Part Sisters and Skinny Jean Queens…

side parts and skinny jeansFirst of all, let’s get this out of the way: I’m not a fan of skinny jeans, and I never have been. That being said, I understand the appeal of them for a certain subset of the population. You can choose to wear either a looser or more snug fitting shirt and still look fairly “put together.” I personally feel like I look like a snake digesting a meal in skinny jeans, lumpy and miserable, so I steer clear.

But! I absolutely LOVE my side part. I have a wonky hairline, so I side part my hair even if I’m pulling half of it up, and if I wear a middle part without styling my hair meticulously, I tend to look like a Manson family member. Not a good look.

And crying laughing emojis???? Well, they are my bread and butter, my friend. It is a personal policy of mine NOT to type out “LOL” unless I AM, literally Laughing Out Loud and let’s just say that it is a talented person indeed who can inspire outright guffaws via text.

These truths are enough to make me one of the targets of the “Zellenials” and their critique of “old people.” Yes, I am old. But I totally didn’t need my hairstyle and emoji preference to speak to that, I have things like … a calendar, and the years on all of my high school yearbooks starting with a “19,” and that almost groaning sound when I get up from the floor. So why the vitriol, youngsters? Who, like, CARES if we crones text each other faces with tears poking off of them? And, perhaps more importantly, why do WE care so much? I’ve been seeing memes and comments and posts like this one since these asinine statements were first made, (On Tik Tok? I dunno, I don’t do that, I’m old) and we are definitely in our feelings about this.

Probably the biggest reason the old gals my age are taking it hard is that we’ve been through trends that were SO much worse. How about when we went through that phase of wearing our clothes both baggy AND backwards? We covered ourselves head to toe in shimmery body spray. Some of us wore WHITE EYELINER, regularly. Two words: GLAMOUR. SHOTS. You youngins have never emptied a can of Aqua Net into your curl-ironed or crimped hair and IT SHOWS. Skinny jeans? Child, please. I see your skinny jeans and raise you BLOSSOM HATS. (shudder)

{Side note: why do all of these critiques apply only to women? You do realize that there are Gen X and early Millenial men who are proudly sporting their dad bods and duck boots, right? Pick on THEM. Sheesh.}

The whippersnappers hurling these insults aren’t exactly old enough to be our daughters, (more like babysitters to our pre-adolescents), and we can’t ground them, so how to react? Best possible way. Just sit back and watch. One day, in 10 years, they’re going to see pictures of themselves in those high waisted jeans with the raveled hem and wonder- “What in the unflattering, long butt cheek-looking hell was I thinking?!” Those chunky white boots? Well, they’ve probably already admitted deep within that those are impractical and yucky. Are they still dyeing their hair gray? *eyeroll* When they start seeing ACTUAL grays, they’re not going to be nimble enough to kick themselves in the butt anymore, but they’ll want to.

The reusable bottles and straws are, I must admit, a sound decision. Good call there, kiddos.

When that day arrives (sooner than they think it will), we won’t bat an eye. We’ll welcome them over to “our side,” where we wear whatever makes us feel awesome and comfortable, and we have enough expendable income to buy the good wine. They’re going to like it here. We ????????????????

Jeanne Rougelot
Jeanne is a proud Westbanker and wife, full time working parent, and middle child. She and her insanely handsome husband of 20 years have 2 daughters, aged 15 and 7. Her hobbies include cake decorating, reading, devouring movies, and slowly turning into her mother. When they are not patronizing local restaurants, she and her family enjoy driving around to take in the surroundings of their home, from Lafitte to Folsom, and all points in between. She is a passionate advocate for Ovarian Cancer Awareness.


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