What is Caregiver Burnout :: And Why Moms Experience It So Often
Caregiver burnout isn’t just exhaustion, it’s emotional depletion, physical fatigue and a subtle sense of losing yourself while caring for everyone else. Most moms I know are running on fumes, juggling schedules, snacks, and meltdowns while trying to stay sane. It’s not just a “special needs parent” thing, it’s an every parent thing. But when you add 24/7 caregiving responsibilities, constant medical appointments, therapy sessions, and advocacy work, burnout becomes less of a possibility and more of a guarantee.
Now, throw in perimenopause, a hormonal rollercoaster most women in their 30s and 40s don’t even realize they’re on…hello disrupted sleep, mood swings, anxiety, hot flashes, and unexplained rage. According to the North American Menopause Society, many women begin experiencing perimenopause symptoms as early as their mid-30s. Combine that with caregiving, and it’s no wonder we feel like we’re unraveling.
How I Knew I Was Burned Out
I didn’t wake up one day and know I was burned out. It snuck up on me.
I was irritable over little things: someone breathing too loudly or my son asking what’s for dinner. Our usual routines like bath time and bedtime, which once felt cozy and joyful, suddenly became stressful checkpoints I just needed to “get through.”
Then the panic attacks started. First while driving. Then even when I was alone. My sleep was off. Actually the 3am wake up was like clockwork. I’d dose off for a bit then wake up again more tired than when I went to bed. I thought coffee would help, but instead it pushed my already-fried nervous system into full fight-or-flight mode. Even my beloved workouts, the runs that used to clear my head, were triggering anxiety. My nervous system was completely dysregulated.
It hit me one day: I had spent so much time helping my kids regulate their emotions, I had completely forgotten to take care of mine.
Check out another local mom’s journey through burnout here.
What Helps Me Self-Regulate :: And What Might Help You Too
Learning self-regulation was the biggest game changer for me. Regulation isn’t just for kids, it’s a survival skill for parents too.
Here’s what helped me, and it might help you too:
- Breath work: I started practicing deep belly breathing and box breathing when I felt panicked. Positive psychology research shows that breath work reduces cortisol and helps the body return to safety and calm.
- Caffeine & diet awareness: I lowered my coffee intake (I know, painful), and switched to gentler options like herbal tea, decaf espresso and half caffeine blends. My body didn’t need a jolt, it needed compassion. I started eating more raw fruits and veggies with every meal. It has been a game changer for my mood, digestion and energy levels.
- Cycle syncing my workouts: I began scheduling my exercise based on my menstrual phases called Cycle Syncing. Light stretching, Pilates and walks during my luteal and menstrual phases, and strength training and running during ovulation and follicular. It gave me permission to listen to my body, not force and push through it.
- Nighttime rituals: I stopped crashing into bed and started winding down intentionally. Baths, guided meditations, lavender oil, and journaling became my sacred space (and the alone time I didn’t know I needed in my day).
- Staying grounded during meltdowns: I practiced staying present and grounded when my kids were melting down instead of matching their intensity. It’s hard in the moment, but when I regulated my energy, they started mirroring it. I started wearing headphones with music in the car during the kids meltdowns and it worked better than I imagined.
- Monthly babysitter nights (even if we don’t have plans):
I make it a point to schedule a babysitter once a month, whether we have something on the calendar or not. Just knowing that adult-only time is coming gives me something to look forward to. It shifts my focus from sippy cups and laundry to reconnecting with myself outside of motherhood. It’s not about doing something fancy, it’s about remembering who I am beyond the daily grind of caregiving.
As Mel Robbins says, “You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to show up.”
That’s what I did and still do, show up not only for my kids, but for myself one small healthy habit at a time.
Watch Mel’s episode that was life changing for me here.
This Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
My daughter with profound Autism will always need 24/7 care. This isn’t something I can “push through” and hope it gets easier. It’s a lifelong marathon with seasons that are sometimes calm, sometimes chaotic. What matters most is that I have tools now. I’m not perfect. I still break down sometimes. But I no longer live in survival mode, I move through it with more awareness, more rest, and less fear.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s me,” please know you are not alone. Burnout doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’ve been running on love and fumes for too long. And you deserve more.
Caregiver Self Assessment Questionnaire
Want to know if what you’re feeling is actual caregiving burnout? Here’s a self-report tool by the American Psychological Association for caregivers to gauge stress and burnout.
If these questions hit home, please pause. Breathe. Start small. Reclaim yourself one breath, one boundary, one bath at a time. You can find support and heal yourself. Below are some local resources that may be helpful to you during your self-regulating journey.
Local Resources for Extra Support and Respite Care
- Louisiana Aging and Disability Resource Center:
Connects caregivers to local support groups, counseling, respite care, and community-based services through nine centers statewide. Find more info here. - Exceptional Lives (LA):
A parent-driven non-profit offering tools, guides, podcasts, and a searchable Disability Services Finder to help families navigate support systems. Find out more here. - Families Helping Families Greater New Orleans and Northshore:
Peer-to-peer support, educational events, family engagement, resources, all free for families of children with disabilities GNO location link and Northshore link. - New Orleans Mom Babysitting Group: A group created to help ease the never ending search for a babysitter. Check out the helpful facebook group here.
- A Charmed Life Childcare: Specializing in many areas of childcare. Find out what services they offer here.
