Mombot Burnout :: When the Overwhelm of Daily Transactional Parenting Duties Make it Hard to Connect With Your Kids
I often think about the scene in the Sing movie where Rosita builds a robot to take over her responsibilities so she can go to her audition, and her family does not notice she is gone until it malfunctions. I relate to this so much, there are many days where I feel my main purpose in life is to respond to requests.
Though every mom’s routine may look a little different, I know in some ways we can all relate to each other in that the task list is never ending. Wake up at 6am, already late and running out the door to drop kids at school after soothing meltdowns about clothing tags and coaxing sleepy eyed kids to eat something semi nutritious for breakfast. Head straight into rush hour traffic and up to the office, where a stack of unanswered emails and tasks are inevitably waiting. Fly out of the office parking garage in the afternoon directly into the school carpool lane and taxi the three of us home to more work emails, homework, sports, baths, therapy appointments, dinner, and bedtime routines. Once kids are finally sleeping, dishes and laundry are always faithfully waiting.
Often I find myself still in my work clothes at 10pm. There is also the invisible labor of home management, the financial burden of being a one income household, the breaking up of sibling fights, and the countless times throughout the day someone calls my name in need of something.
The daily grind of motherhood can become robotic and transactional, and being a solo parent magnifies these feelings. It can be hard to find time for connection all together, and it usually means putting off a chore that needs done. If am honest, it can be a struggle to use any small sliver of free time and whatever energy I have left to connect with my kids. Also, inevitably once we agree on an activity, someone will end up in a fit because they lost the game or didn’t get their way, and the dread of this alone is sometimes enough for me to not even try. Quality time can feel like another task or demand rather than what I want it to be, which is the part of my day I look forward to most.
I know my babies will only be little for so long, and that the days are numbered until my preteen is too cool to hang out with me. I know in my heart the minutes are precious, and my children will remember me getting down on the floor to play Mario figurines or being the mom who got in the pool when they are parents someday. But, if you tell that to the woman at 6pm who has been up and running since 6am that morning, she will not care. She will just want to make dinner while listening to her audiobook and without having to stop mid-spaghetti sauce to prevent someone from jumping off the couch into the lamp during a rousing game of the Floor is Lava. 6pm Mom knows that she still has to finish helping one child study for her math test while fighting the other to take a bath and that bedtime and dishes have to be done before she can take her own shower and send an email to the teacher about that one thing that has been marinating on her mind all day.
Truly, I don’t think there is a remedy for this. As long as my children are little, I am going to be tired and over extended.
What I can do is stop feeling guilty about needing breaks sometimes. I can ask for help; people who love my kids are willing to babysit. I should talk to someone supportive when I am feeling particularly burned out, rather than allow the shame of those feelings to sit deep inside me – it is likely other moms can relate or least make me laugh and offer some encouragement. It is okay to take an extra long shower or a nap when I need one, especially now my kids are more independent. I can also try and be proactive at using micro moments for building relationship during regular routine activities. I might not be able to host a game night or build a massive fort, but I can put screens away at dinner and ask about their days. I may not have the energy to play kitchen or dolls, but I can use bedtime to get back in the routine of reading to them one on one. Also, I know it really wouldn’t take much more effort on my part to stop what I am doing when they are talking for just a moment and really listen, instead of continuing to multi-task.
These little things won’t cure the burn out or the robotic motions I fall into sometimes, but maybe taking little intentional breaks and focusing on small but genuine moments of mindful connection with my children could help me enjoy motherhood more and find it more fulfilling so that the mundane tasks of everyday life don’t feel quite as heavy all the time.
