I’m sitting on the couch, doing absolutely nothing.
Not watching TV, looking at my phone, or reading a book. I’m just staring at the wall.
But here’s the kicker — I have a boat load to do. When I left work today, I left my to-do list unfinished. The stack of papers is still sitting on my desk, ungraded. I have lesson plans to post and follow up emails to write. I came home and my house is a mess. The laundry pile is the size of a small mountain, and the bathrooms need some serious scrubbing. The kitchen counter is barely visible and my son’s toys have migrated from his bedroom to the living room and kitchen. I have half a dozen projects I wanted to finish, but my self-imposed deadline is …tomorrow? Not to mention I still would like to go to the gym at least twice before the end of this week, and I truly, deeply, desperately need to meal plan.
I know what needs to be done — I’ve written the to do list myself.
Just thinking of everything I have to do stresses me out.
So, why am I sitting here, doing nothing? I really don’t know.
Most of the time I’m a fairly productive person. My house stays clean, deadlines are met, and I can muster enough energy to knock out a project or two during the weekend. Give me a cup of coffee, and I can conquer the world.
Then, there are times like these. My to-do list completely debilitates me. I can’t find my motivation or energy, only exhaustion, stress, and anxiety. “Just pick one thing to do,” I tell myself. But, I can’t even do that. It’s like I don’t have enough mental capacity to make a decision. Knowing how many things I’m NOT doing makes me think of how many things I’ll HAVE to do tomorrow. I’m mentally kicking myself for it because there’s not enough time in the day. I’m really just setting myself up for failure, again, tomorrow.
So, I sit here.
Frozen on the couch.
I finally make a decision to get up, and I walk into my bedroom. I’m tapping out for the day. Even though I didn’t give 100%, and despite the unfinished list in my head, I decide to go to sleep.