How to Keep the Romance Alive on a School Night

I am 31 years old, and I still refer to weeknights as “school nights.” Nevermind the fact that I have been doing so since long after college and grad school and prior to having babies of my own. Irrespective of the fact that my children are 3 and 1.5 and are not technically school age. I guess old habits die hard. Regardless, there is something different about the weeknights. It goes without saying that there is a more rushed feeling as compared to Friday and Saturday nights. After carpool, extracurriculars, homework, getting dinner ready, bath time and putting your kids to bed, all of which are done when you are pretty much running on empty, do you have anything left to give once the kids are asleep???

How do you make time for each other after the kids are asleep?

datenightpost1Or do you? Our team over here at NOMB recently discussed what our evenings look like after our kids are asleep. Our answers ranged and that largely depended on the time our kids go to bed. For my family, routine and schedules are paramount. I am pretty Type A so it comes as no surprise to those who know me well that my children are on some sort of a schedule. I say that in a sort of self-deprecating way, but it is absolutely a planned strategy that I believe in wholeheartedly. I believe well rested children who have structure, boundaries and predictability are happier children and more pleasant to be around. Not to mention, the benefits that my husband and I derive from a consistent nighttime routine and bedtime. I know, I KNOW, babies don’t keep, much to my sorrow. And when I am waving to goodbye to my babies as I drop them off at college, I may get a twinge of “did I hold you enough,” or “should I let you sleep in my bed?” Hopefully, I will be able to remind myself of the reasons why I made the right choice. Also, I do deviate every now and again, but more often than not, we are consistent with our routine. But the other night, I could not shake my feelings that came and went all day that my oldest was growing up entirely too fast. So I did what any sane person would do, I crept into his little bed, cradled him in my arms and held him for an hour. Just breathing him in. But I digress. My children are asleep no later than 8:00 pm, and they stay that way until 7:00am.

I have the added blessing/curse {depending on the day} of working from home.

My children are also in school during the school year from 9-3 Monday through Friday. This means I can get all most of those things done that are infinitely more difficult to do with two toddlers hanging on your legs and scaling the furniture. Oh, things like laundry, cooking, the grocery, cleaning the house, etc. What this means is when my kids go to bed, there is not much left to be done around the house, and even if there is, I put it off until the next day. This is mine and my husband’s time together. Every night looks different. His work schedule varies by week, but there are a few constants. We always eat dinner together and talk about our days. If he will not be home until after the kids eat, I wait for him. Some nights, I definitely need some me time and so does he. But most nights are spent together. Nothing elaborate, just talking and keeping the connection going. I could write for days on how hard a marriage is, and how much harder it becomes once you add children. But all that’s to say, we are all aware that you have to work at it. For us, that means relaxing together, watching a good movie, swapping funny stories, enjoying a glass of wine in silence. When I used to work in an office, we would try to meet for lunch once a month while Mark was at daycare. Not as romantic as an evening on the town, but hey, we saved on childcare!

A NOMB contributor suggested having game nights with your partner. My husband loves that idea, so I think we will add that to our rotation. I am not trying to suggest that this is easy to do. I mean there are many nights where we are physically together, but in reality are separated by our electronic devices. There has to be a conscious decision to power down every now and again. We are all busy, but I think it is so important to your marriage to “date” each other. Although scheduling quality time does not sound ideal, sometimes it is necessary. Of course, life gets monotonous and repetitive, but shouldn’t we try to keep things interesting and invest in our marriages? A person far wiser than me once said that a healthy marriage is the best gift you will give your child. I firmly believe this wisdom.

How do you connect with your partner during the hectic weekdays?



  1. We do not have children yet, but we both have very demanding careers. We play cards or another 2 person game once or twice a week – we love that time, and it reminds us to relax, slow down, and not take ourselves too seriously. I find that I feel younger or more like the person I was when we were first dating – playful and fun. It is often hard to find that playful fun “girl” after a stressful week at work, and playing a game is a sure fire way to bring her out.


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