Dear Husband, I am Not Mad at You

When I seem frustrated with you and short with you, it is hardly ever about YOU. It is about me, and this age and stage we are in.

When I am completely spent at the end of the day, and I don’t have it in me to give you the attention you deserve, it is not because I’m mad at you. I am giving of myself all day, every day, and by 6:30, I sometimes have nothing left to give.

When I am too tired to talk or connect with you once the kids are finally asleep, it is not because I’m mad at you. By the time the end of the night rolls around, I am either having to catch up on work because of deadlines or I am incapable of doing anything aside from spacing out to How I Met Your Mother reruns on Netflix.

When I complain about something seemingly insignificant that you did or didn’t do, it is not because I’m mad at you. It is because sometimes those things which seem trivial can quickly make a productive day go off the rails.

When you catch me crying, it is not because I am mad at you. I hold it together all day, but sometimes I need a release. I need to let go of all the emotions that build up. They build up when the kids are disrespectful, when I read yet another tragic story online, when I feel the weight of motherhood.

When I am zoned out on my phone chatting with friends, it is not because I am mad at you. I am not purposefully ignoring you. I am simply connecting with people who will love me and get it, judgment free, and maybe even make me feel like a less crazy version of myself.

When I send you a scathing text about one or more of your children driving me to my breaking point, it is not because I am mad at you. It is because I do not want to lose it and yell at them, again. I have to put that anger and frustration somewhere. Since you helped create the kids, you are the only one who will understand and not call CPS on me.

For all the times you think I’m upset with you, for all the times I am short with you and do not meet your needs, I am sorry. I promise I am doing the absolute best I can with what I have. I am hopeful that one day, when the kids are in school and we aren’t so deep in the trenches, I will begin to resemble the more carefree person you married. Until then, please remember, I am not mad at you.

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Myndee is a 35ish year old New Orleans area native. She's an author, speaker and self-love advocate. As an introverted extrovert, Myndee loves being part of the generation where most of her friends live in her computer. She and her husband, Luis, live just outside the city with their three kids.

8 COMMENTS

  1. I only have one, but I did find that the older he got the more time I got to myself and the better I felt. It helped me be a better person for myself and my family. What a difference a few years makes!

  2. I don’t know I how I feel about this. It seems like you are actually upset with your husband, but finding comfort in your friends or netflix. I know it’s difficult, but try and make time for your partner. I know too many men who have “wandered” from their marriage because they didn’t feel like a priority. And I know that sounds crazy, but it happens. Always try to connect with your partner on some level everyday. Kids are difficult, but hoping that the person you married can ignore their partner’s seeming disdain for them until the kids are easier, is not gonna work. Grab a babysitter, and go on a date! Tonight!

    • Hit the nail on the head. My wife sent this to me. Got mad when I said bullshit. All I hear are excuses. I told her yesterday I want to feel loved again and physical affection. If I don’t I can find someone that will give me love. Apparently I’m an asshole for wanting to have my wife’s attention emotional and physical. I tried cuddling the other morning and got told to get the fuck away. So take all this feminist, selfish, me me me bullshit and shove it up your asses. I know more men than I care to that cheat on their wives because of this bullahit

    • Yes, this. Thank you. And honestly, my hubby wouldn’t think I was ‘mad at him’ for any of this stuff anyway. Open communication throughout the day is key.

    • Yes, this is crazy excuses. Too many moms feel like kids stressing them out means that they don’t need to tend to their husbands needs. Or at least being NICE and SWEET to him. Geez louise.

  3. Do you not think your husband feels the same way, too? After a hard day at work do you not think he feels spent, drained, stressed, exhausted, etc? Don’t use being tired and stressed as an excuse to ignore and verbally abuse your husband. If you have a husband kind enough to have tolerated this behavior thus far, I recommend you try to change if you want to salvage your marriage.

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