It has been 13 years since my husband and I decided we wanted kids.
I grew up as the youngest of four children and a host of cousins in tow. When my husband and I got married, it wasn’t long until we both wanted our own. Shortly after we were married, I was diagnosed with a disease that makes it hard to bear your own children. When I went to a fertility doctor after months of trying, it seemed our only hope was IVF, and even that was complicated. I would have to go off my medications and there was no guarantee it would work. We decided that we would go in a different direction … adoption.
Our Adoption Journey
My husband and I wanted to adopt before we were married. So, we decided to start the process. I remember during the adoption process and ultimately bringing our son home, people would say, “I know so many people that have gotten pregnant after adopting.” Or “It will happen when you least expect it.” I know that people have the best intentions, but these words are hurtful, and honestly, unrealistic. Especially when you are hearing these things from acquaintances! Years passed, and we decided to foster. We wanted to provide a home for kids whether it was temporary or permanent. We loved and cared for 15 children and ultimately adopted two.
It Hasn’t Been Easy
The past several years have been a whirlwind of ups and downs. When a woman can’t do what her body was created to do, it’s a deep pain you can’t really explain. I learned early on that life doesn’t always go as planned. Life is hard, everyone has their own struggles. If you have a good friend who has struggled with infertility, just be there. Don’t say things that may not be true and don’t ignore it. Infertility isn’t something a woman ever gets over, and the pain will always be present. Walk with your friend in it. If you casually know a woman or have met a woman who you assume struggles with infertility, just don’t comment. It’s not an easy subject, so if your acquaintance hasn’t let you in then don’t ask a lot of questions she is going to have to get the energy to answer. Also, when you are gifted with the miracle of pregnancy, don’t complain about it in front of friends who struggle with infertility. Finally, don’t pity your friends who struggle with infertility. That is the last thing any strong, independent woman wants.
Motherhood comes in all shapes and sizes, and it all comes with its ups and downs. Let us all love and support each other wherever we are in our journey.
About The Author
My name is Alicia, I first moved to New Orleans when I was 18. My husband and I moved away for a few years, but have been back for 7 years. We just recently moved to Mandeville, from New Orleans. I am married to my husband of 15 years and we have 3 beautiful children. When I’m not working as an ER nurse, or taking care of kids, I enjoy reading, swimming, cooking and paddle boarding.