All Moms Should Take a Solo Vacation
While it seemed everyone in New Orleans was rejoicing in January when the city had its record-setting snowfall, I was in tears. I was supposed to fly out the day it snowed for an epic trip I had booked seven months earlier – a solo trek to New Zealand! I was going on a tour, and because the airport was closed for four days, I had to cancel my trip because it was impossible for me to meet up with the group four days late.**
To say I was bummed is an understatement. I viewed the entire thing as a metaphor for how one should never look forward to anything, how New Orleans destroys everyone’s hopes and dreams, and how, just generally, the world is out to get me.
But then, I rallied. And booked a substitute trip for myself in May. And it was fabulous! And, I think all moms, with kids of all ages, should absolutely go on solo trips on occasion.
There is NEVER a good time. So do it now.
When I booked the original trip, I did not know all the various dates for homecoming, prom, dance competitions, and school events. I decided that my kids are old enough to take care of themselves, with their dad’s help, and that I was just going to go.
Had I waited, I’d have discovered that there was a dance competition one of the weekends I would have been gone. When the trip fell apart, I told myself that it was a good thing because my kids needed me at their competition. But truthfully, had the trip worked out, they’d have figured it out. The other dance moms would’ve helped. My husband might be more capable than I give him credit for. And most of all, they would have had to step up.
I chose the substitute trip because it did not conflict with prom or dance, although I did miss my daughter’s orchestra concert at school. And you know what? She didn’t care, and frankly, neither did I. LOL
Also, I always recall my father in these times. He worked like a dog his whole life. He helped take care of my mother until she passed away, and then he planned his trip of a lifetime – a Danube River cruise. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer a few weeks before he was supposed to leave. He never took the cruise. I don’t want to wait until there is a good time, because that time may never come.
Yes, you can go someplace by yourself!
I traveled solo when I was in my twenties, but since getting married, the only solo travel I’ve done is the occasional visit to family (and then, only the flight is solo) or work (and then, I’m in meetings or having most meals with colleagues). Honestly, I was a little scared. I’d have to eat in restaurants alone. And would I feel safe at night walking around on my own in a new place?
Marriage and motherhood have made me less brave. I have come to rely on my husband’s navigational skills. I don’t have to deal with the awkwardness of eating alone.
If you’re like me, you have a couple of options:
Do a tour
I did an all-women’s walking tour of Sicily. It was a week in rural Sicily with women of all ages and backgrounds. Two women were friends who lived far from each other; two others were a couple; and the rest of us didn’t know anyone. I was one of two Americans, plus one Canadian, and five Brits.
I am not a joiner! I haven’t been on a tour with strangers since I studied abroad in college. I am introverted and awkward when I meet new people. But I was determined to make this work and was comforted by the idea of a small group of other solo women.
A tour not only gives you company, but it takes the headaches of planning and making decisions out of your hands. All I had to do was show up. It was glorious. No deciding what to eat or where to go. No dishes to clean. No making reservations. No figuring out how to get from Point A to Point B.
Go Close By
I initially chose New Zealand because it would have been my first trip to the Southern hemisphere, a real adventure like nothing else I’d done. Sicily seemed pretty tame by comparison. However, one could go to Orange Beach or Memphis or your friend’s she-shed. If being away for more than a weekend seems too big, or going across an ocean seems like going to the moon, then go somewhere closer to home and for less time.
Get Over It!
To make Sicily more of an adventure, I decided to add a few days before the tour began, by myself. I ate in restaurants by myself. Went on tours alone. Entertained myself. Navigated myself to meeting points. Got food poisoning. And survived it all.
Why It’s Important
We give up a lot when we become moms. Most of the time, my schedule revolves around my kids. When I travel with my kids, I usually choose activities and food I know they’ll like. Oftentimes, I’ll eat their leftovers to save a few bucks when ordering four entrees for every meal begins to feel like you’re taking from your retirement funds and gaining 300 pounds at the same time.
It was great to choose what to do based on what I wanted to do. And the foods that I wanted to eat. And I could stay in the museum as long (or short!) as I wanted. And linger over a second drink and dessert. Or, go to bed super early! One day, I had an espresso poured over ice cream for lunch! I never do that with my kids.
I came back from the trip with a different mindset on a few important things, more determined to find ways to live a happier, more joyful life. Sometimes you really do just need to get away from everyone you know.
**Fortunately, I had purchased trip insurance, so I eventually got back my money for the tour, and because my flights were cancelled, United reimbursed me for the flight.
