Back to School :: All the Feels

When I took a photo of my adorable little bug on her first day back at school, I watched as she tried to smile through the harsh morning sunlight.  I thought to myself that this may be the perfect metaphor for how I’m feeling today.⁣

⁣She officially went back to school. I’m officially making lunches and checking folders again, hustling to make sure we always have a clean uniform. It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of in these last tiring months. Now that it is here, I’m terrified.⁣

I cannot decide if I am more afraid that school will shut back down, or terrified that it won’t. Emma thrives on socialization, being near and with other children. She suffered immensely while at home with her boring ole’ mama and baby sister. So this is great, right? This is a great step in the right direction.⁣

So why do I feel like I am squinting while staring into the sun, trying desperately to see what is right in front of me. It’s sunny, so that’s good…I guess. I can’t see clearly though, I don’t know what will happen. I don’t like the “not knowing”, the gray area, the waiting. ⁣

⁣The waiting for school to begin was long and hard, but I was always hopeful it would come. It has finally come and I feel like I can barely breathe through it. I believe it’s OK to feel that way for now, to not know, to actually, really and truly, sit in the moment. This will be excruciatingly hard for me and for my planning, organizing, fixed nature. ⁣

⁣I’m going to focus on that beautiful smile and goodbye wave at carpool drop-off, making sure there are gummies in the lunchbox and embrace that awful morning hustle out the door. I’m going to enjoy every crazy moment, even if I cannot plan for the next. We are not back to the beginning, right? We are somewhere in between and I don’t have a choice, that has to be ok, for now.

About Kristin

Kristin grew up on the tiny island of Jamaica. She has written a children’s book, obtained her Master’s in Teaching and been the proud educator of lots and lots of little ones. She has very recently moved to New Orleans with her husband and two little girls. When she isn’t watching Cinderella and passing on her love of reading to her girls, she is traveling and trying new restaurants. You can read more on her personal blog HERE.


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