There it is. Standing tall and standing in between me and my goals for the day, it taunts me. I try not to let the brilliant red topping fool me. It is very inviting on the outside, but inside, it’s hollow and, perhaps, even sinister. It tests my will power, my strength, and my motivation every single day.
It is not a cupcake. It is not a heaping plate of spaghetti. It is not a candied apple.
It is my front door!
There are literally 13 feet between where I stand every day,
WANTING, NEEDING to leave the house, and the front door. After lunch, at around 1:00 p.m., my toddler and I are “supposed to” leave the house and head for a play date, the library, the local splash pad/park, or the grocery store, etc…However, it rarely happens that way.
I cannot get out the front door.
1:00 I realize I have not brushed my teeth. I must go brush them. The gate to the hallway is inadvertently left unlocked. Toddler escapes down hallway to play in rooms that have not been toddler-proofed. Run after toddler with toothbrush in my mouth to save toddler’s life from deadly rooms. Put toddler back in safe living room. Get slapped in face and bit by angry toddler. Explain no hitting and biting to toddler. Lock gate to hallway. Finish brushing teeth.
1:10 Go get diaper bag. Pick up toddler to leave the house. Toddler pooped. Put down diaper bag. Bring toddler to be changed. Get kicked by angry toddler who does not like to be changed. Explain no kicking to toddler. Finish changing toddler. Put toddler down. Wash hands. Pick up miles of unrolled toilet paper, courtesy of said toddler.
1:25 Go get diaper bag. Pick up toddler to leave the house. Remember that there are no snacks or juice for toddler in diaper bag. Try to prepare drink/snacks holding diaper bag and toddler, so he does not scream and so I don’t have to put them down again. Set drink on counter. Toddler reaches out and knocks drink onto floor. Put down diaper bag. Put down toddler. Toddler screams. Clean the mess.
I CANNOT GET OUT THE FRONT DOOR!
1:35 Pick up diaper bag. Pick up toddler. Say good-bye to dog, and then realize that all the toddler’s toys are on the floor ready to become dog food as soon as we leave the house. Pick up toys while still holding diaper bag and toddler because there is NO WAY I’m putting them down again. Get GREAT five-minute work-out, and say good-bye to the dog, again.
1:40 I FINALLY GET OUT THE FRONT DOOR!
*&%#!!! I have to pee. Go back inside. Pee while holding diaper bag and toddler because there is NO WAY I’m putting them down again!
1:45 I FINALLY GET OUT THE FRONT DOOR!!
Get to driveway. Lament about how we are 45 minutes late, and then get over it.
1:46 Seriously consider leaving out of the back door tomorrow.
NOW, to get in the car…
This is the story of my life in the morning trying to get the kiddos to school! So funny and true!
Sorry, BUT glad I’m not the only one. Glad it gave you a laugh. I try really hard to laugh during afternoons like this, ya know, to keep from crying!
Yes, the story of my life…I have 3 boys- 6, 3 and almost 4 months. I have to pack ahead. If I know I am going somewhere the next day I pack the diaper bag, school bags etc. the night before, after they have gone to bed for the night. Its the only time I have quite, and can think clearly enough that I know (hope) I wont forget something and can get ready for the next day. If I don’t do this I am running around like a crazy person never.ever.ever. making it to that door.
Wow, Lauren, I can’t EVEN imagine it with 3…though, it’s funny, it’s not so much the packing, but getting the gumption to get myself ready before he gets up in the a.m., because when I don’t do that, it’s soooo hard. Like having to stop and brush my teeth and throw on clothes while he’s getting into everything, etc….AND I don’t know about you, but after I put him to bed, I go to bed. I just do not have anything left in me to do anything except throw on my pj’s and hop in the bed.
This was so funny, yet true! 🙂 thanks for writing!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it Bree! Sometimes, it’s good to laugh at these frustrating moments…ya know, to keep from crying 🙂