Breastfeeding is supposed to be natural. You know that women have done it since the beginning of mankind. It is done in third world countries. And around the world women are feeding at this exact second. But there is so much about breastfeeding that is hidden behind the curtain. It is masked by women talking about how much of a bonding experience it is, how wonderful it is, and how it is the right thing for baby. Don’t get me wrong. Yes, it has its perks, but there are so many not so warm and fuzzy aspects of it that no one tells you. So here it is; I am putting it out there.
The pre-game can make you or break you.
I had a poor experience with my first breastfeeding attempt, so this time around I met with a lactation nurse to calm my nerves and answer my questions. Yeah, yeah the classes are OK, but the one on one Q&A was way more effective. Don’t rely on the lactation nurses in the hospital. You will hate them. Between being tired, hormonal, confused, overwhelmed and did I mention tired?, nothing they say will make sense or be comforting. Seek outside help in advance.
You will make friends with your boobs.
Until I attempted breastfeeding, I can honestly said that I didn’t spend much time with my boobs. I mean, they were there and that was about it. But when you breastfeed, you have a much more intimate relationship with them. You get a little handsy. You now hold your boobs for hours a day when feeding, massage them frequently to keep the production flowing and rub your nipples with cream. Plus, you could compete with a topless dancer for logging how much time they are out and on display.
Breastfeeding is not free.
Yeah we have all heard that if nothing else, breastfeeding is free. I am here to tell you it is far from free. There is the pump, which is a necessity if you plan to go back to work or ever plan to attempt to leave the house. Then there are the storage supplies, sleeping bras, regular bras, the freezer bag thing to take with you, creams, and so on. Dropping $60 on one nursing bra made me realize just how expensive this endeavor is getting. Yeah, and don’t mention that you can get cheaper ones from Target, because when you have boobs, with a bra size in letters you didn’t know they made bras in, you can’t. Nope, not on their website either. We are talking about special order.
Your diet is similar to a drug addict.
Yep, you could take up residence in Colorado because of the amount of food scavenging that you do. Especially in the very beginning, exactly when hubby goes back to work, there is little time to actually make a meal. No, I am not talking about dinner. I am talking about breakfast and lunch, the ones you are solo on. Basically, if it can fit into your hand with out making too much of a mess without a plate and doesn’t have to be prepared in anyway, it is fair game and considered a meal. Things that fall into this category are king cake, string cheese, granola bars, apples and Cheese-Its. All are nowhere near the high protein diet that breastfeeding moms are supposed to consume. Um…sorry, dear baby, I can’t feed you because I am busy preparing protein doesn’t quite work.
This stuff stains.
No, breastfeeding itself does not stain, but Lanolin does. Lanolin is this magic cream that makes your nipples hate you just a bit less in the first couple of weeks. But in the large quantities that I was applying it, it became the nemesis of my pajamas. Which means that by the time I am finished breastfeeding, I will need to replace all of my pajamas and a few of my husband’s shirts that I have claimed with boobie stains. File this also under the breastfeeding is not free issue.
Breastfeeding is an individual sport.
Yes, I know that seems obvious, but after bottle feeding my first and it being a team sport, it sucks to be the only one getting up at night. You really realize it is all on you at about 3AM on the third night home from the hospital. Although, I may have wished so hard that my husband could just take a feeding or two that I am surprised he didn’t start lactating. Damn, where is my fairy godmother when you need her.
A blocked milk duct in your nipple is the female equivalent of getting kicked in the balls.
Yep it is. Every time the baby latches, it is like getting kicked. It is a sharp pain that paralyzes you for a second. The only difference is that you know you are going to experience the pain and you have to do it about every two hours. If childbirth wasn’t enough, this little gem keeps your boobs feeling just glorious.
Breastfeeding has a sense of humor.
You are brainwashed in the hospital not to give your baby a pacifier because they will have nipple confusion. So you become a human pacifier at the beck and call of baby at any time. Add in nipples that basically have been rubbed raw with sandpaper at the beginning, and it makes for a great time. On about your second night home from the hospital, when you are in the trenches of nipple pain and getting brave away from the lactation Nazis and you try a pacifier, you baby wont take it!!! Breastfeeding 1, Mommy 0
Modesty and breastfeeding don’t mix.
There are all these campaigns for acceptance of women breastfeeding in public. And, I know you lose modesty when you have a baby, but at some point you have to reclaim some of it. To each his own, because I couldn’t even imagine whipping my boob out in public to feed my child. Um no. And, no not even with a cover up because there are not enough hands to hold the baby, the boob and then negotiate the cover up in place. It’s too risky for a free show in my opinion. I’ll keep my boobs out of public places for my comfort and your comfort, no problem. I am barely comfortable feeding in my own home much less taking this show on the road.
Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart.
Your boobs will hurt in ways you didn’t know were possible, and they will do things you didn’t know they could do. So you have to be up for it. But after bottle feeding my first and feeling like breastfeeding moms were nuts, I know now that they are. Being on the breastfeeding side of the fence, I know that breastfeeding moms are putting in a ton of work and the only reward is going to the pediatrician and seeing how much weight the baby has gained. It is a lot of pressure!
The first time my child latched I was like argh. It was a shocking grip on my nipple.
I didn’t like the growing older child snacking vs the newborn feedings.
It really annoyed me how stangers and family tried to make me feel like I was doing something wrong.
You are right if you aren’t with your kid 247 you will need to pump which can be hard or supplement. Both of these stray away from the goal and there is that working mom guilt. I didn’t spend a lot of money though I’m cheap i made it work.
Lastly, I wasn’t good at evenly changing boobs one side produced more milk. So now i have different sized nipples and breasts along with stretchmarks from them filling with milk.
I’d still breastfeed any kid i have. I totally feel it’s the best option. Nothing’s easy….
I hear you Kristen. Working mom guilt is an entire other conversation but I am in the same boat. Good for you and thanks for sharing your experience!
I get that this was an attempt to be humorous and entertaining. But to say that breast-feeding moms are nuts is unfair. When it comes to having kids, every parent will have to pick and choose what does and does not work for them. I choose to breast-feed because I knew that that was best for the health of my baby. It’s rewards go far beyond just getting the results of his weight from the pediatrician. I’m not going to list them all here, because you obviously have been informed of all the benefits it can give to your baby. I understood that having a child was going to take work, and be difficult from time to time. It was worth it to me to try, and to continue to do it for as long as I could. I think it’s good to share our experience with other mothers, good and bad, but to ridicule their choices is irresponsible. Also, there will be a lot of decisions I will have to make about my child that will be difficult, cause pain, or required money. But what will be at the forefront of my decision making will be what is best for my child. I think if I wasn’t prepared for any of that, then I wasn’t ready to be a mother.
Girlfriend, chillax. With all the known benefits, it still sucks all the stuff we moms have to go through to breastfeed. I personally did a freedom dance when I stopped. And judging other women on their “seriousness” about deciding to become a mother is inappropriate. Women need to lift eacher up, not cut them down with harsh criticisms. It was clear that the author was being funny. We are all a little nutso to choose to procreate. Kids are no easy task.
Preach, Sister, Preach!!! With the twins I had one that took straight to it and the other that struggled immensely and eventually she got a combo of pumped and supplemented. It is WAY harder than anyone ever tells you. I honestly felt like I was a cow feeding or pumping 24/7. I loved this post and I think the more honest we can be with each other as Moms the easier it will be for all of us!
Thanks Geneva! I agree that we need to talk more about the good and the bad so we can be honest with other moms. Perhaps that feedback could have helped me more with my first but either way I hope that putting my experience out there can help someone else.
Well written,and very true. I saw my sister go through all of this so I bottle fed my first…and now I plan on breast feeding my second one. Let’s see how far I go. ha! Aimee^ is getting way too serious. I don’t see how anyone could mistaken this post. It’s funny,honest and all kinds of FAIR. 🙂
Thank you Rachel!
I love this! It comes naturally to some moms and to others it doesn’t. And it just isn’t for everyone and that’s ok! I like that you were able to find humor in a struggle I personally know is SO difficult. Breast or bottle, the forefront of every mom’s decision making is what’s best for their child. Thank you for this post, Linzy!
I completely disagree with this. My biggest problem is that you fail to mention any positives and benefits of breastfeeding. For many of us, we don’t feel that “the only reward is going to the pediatrician and seeing how much weight the baby has gained.” There are so many rewards to breastfeeding: a healthier baby, bonding, convenience, costs, etc. This post reads as a discouragement to breastfeeding. I hope that was not the intention. There’s already so much of that out there. And those “lactation nazis” are trying to give you the best advice they have after working with many breastfeeding mothers. They are experts. While not all provide the most up-to-date advice, they are all well intentioned and know more than a novice. I definitely did not hate my lactation consultant. Without them, many of us would fail.
Stacey, you are correct. I did not list the positives on purpose as I was focusing on the things that people don’t talk about. It is very easy to get your hands on a list of the positives. And as the reward I was referencing, was seeing the increase on the scale and knowing that things are going well by weight gain.
I completely agree that the lactation nurses are a wealth of knowledge but when you are just starting out in the hospital you can be overwhelmed by their information. Don’t let this be your only breastfeeding education.
My post was not meant to discourage breastfeeding as I wrote it while feeding, but it is meant to be an honest look at the early struggles for those moms who are going through it. I wish I would have known some of this as I was going through it as it would not have felt so isolating. This is meant to support through the honesty of my personal experience.
When you say that breastfeeding moms are nuts, it kind of negates the statement that you’re just talking about your own experience. If I may make a suggestion, I would be less concerned about this article if you included a link to a different perspective that isn’t so negative. What if this is the first post someone is reading about breastfeeding? To give them such a negative view of something that many don’t agree with is irresponsible in my opinion.
I am sorry that the comment did not sit well with you. I know it is hard to tell tone in print. I am happy to clear up what I meant by it. When I was bottle feeding my first I didn’t understand what my breastfeeding friends were worried about. They seemed nuts. The food went and it came out. It seemed pretty simple. But breastfeeding my second I realized there is so much to worry about from the amount of weight she initially lost, to if I have enough supply to if different foods I ate bothered her. I realized there is so much to worry about that as a breastfeeding mom I was driving myself nuts with worry. It was not meant to be mean it was meant to justify the worry and the concern. As i mentioned it is a lot of work and being on the breastfeeding side the second time, I was able to understand why I thought they were nuts being in their shoes. Like I said it is a lot of work and a lot of mom pressure.
I typically love NOMB articles and share them with others. This is a very disappointing post, that I most definitely won’t be sharing. The tone of the article was not funny or encouraging. Although some of the things said may have some truth they are put in a way that I’m afraid would discourage a new mother who is apprehensive of nursing. I’m going to post a few things here in the hopes that a new mother may benefit:
1. “The pre-game can make you or break you.” Yes, it is important to do your research and attend some La Leche League meetings before you actually have your baby. I loved the lactation consultants at my hospital and I know there are many great ones out there.
2. “You will make friends with your boobs.” Yep, you are correct here.
3. “Breastfeeding is not free” Yes, it is. You don’t need all of those extras. There are plenty of diy ways to create nursing tanks and bras. Yes, having the ability to purchase a good nursing bra will make things easier and more comfortable, but they aren’t required to make it work. Health insurance is REQUIRED to cover a breast pump. It may not be the one you want, but it will do if you don’t have another option. You can also write off the supplies on your taxes.
4. “Your diet is similar to a drug addict” This is just an awful statement for so many reasons. Yes, you have to increase your caloric intake, but you can stock up on healthy snacks. Again it does make it easier if you have family or friends that can make you some meals, or you can make some freezer meals before you have the babe. But again you can eat well and still be sleep deprived. And also you don’t have to eat super healthy, yes it is beneficial, but the baby will get the nutrients it needs.
5. “This stuff stains.” Use breast pads. Also, all of lanolin “stained” sleep tanks washed clean after several washes. So, it doesn’t really stain forever.
6. “Breastfeeding is an individual sport” Yes, mostly true. You can have your husband help in other ways. He can bring you water and snacks. He can do the laundry. He can cook the meals. No, he can’t do the actual feedings, but he can support you in many other ways.
7. “A blocked milk duct in your nipple is the female equivalent of getting kicked in the balls.” Yes, it hurts and it will happen. There are many ways to prevent and treat. Wearing supportive bras and emptying your breasts fully will help prevent. To treat you can dangle feed, massage, use cabbage leaves and heat compresses.
8. “Breastfeeding has a sense of humor.” In my experience and from my pediatricians point of view nipple confusion isn’t a real thing. My baby wouldn’t take the first pacifier brand I tried, but we did find one for her and she took it at about 2 weeks old. She’s 17 months and still a strong nurser.
9. “Modesty and breastfeeding don’t mix.” You can be modest while breastfeeding in public without a cover. Wear a tank top under your top shirt and then use the top shirt to cover the breast while the baby feeds.
10. “Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart.” It is hard work this is true, and there are many benefits beyond weighing in at the pediatrician. No, breastfeeding isn’t for everyone and that’s totally fine. I think the important thing to remember is that it does take some work, but it isn’t difficult for long. Once you figure out what works for you you get in a groove. It is a lifestyle choice and often a change for you.
As always every Mom needs to do what is best for her and her babe.
Kristi, thanks for offering your experience as well. Yes, everyone’s experiences are different and all we can do it put it out there and home that it helps someone. People will find comfort in whatever experience they can related to whether it is mine, yours or someone else’s.
FYI insurance is not required to cover a breast pump. I have blue cross blue shield through my employer and it covered nothing in relation to any kind of pump. I spent about $400 on a medela pump, plus extra parts I had to buy for multiple pumping sessions at work. I had supply issues and spent a fortune on vitamin supplements to boost supply and lactation cookies…..
I’m also in the same boat as Linzy that my breast are large and I require specialty bras. These cant be made DIY especially for us working moms. We need the boob support in the office LOL
You state all those extras arent a necessity but for some moms they are.
So yes, it’s a very accurate statement that breastfeeding can be expensive.
You are misinformed as part of the affordable care act insurance is required to cover a pump. It may not be the one you want but it’s covered. https://www.healthcare.gov/coverage/breast-feeding-benefits/
“Your health insurance plan must cover the cost of a breast pump – and may offer to cover either a rental or a new one for you to keep.”
Certain plans are grandfathered in. I spoke to my insurance 3 times. No breast pump, manual or any other kind is covered.
https://www.healthcare.gov/coverage/breast-feeding-benefits/
Sorry to say that this is not true in all cases. My insurance, Tricare will not pay for a pump. They are also grandfathered in. I rented a pump for 7 months and was never reimbursed.
My BCBSLA was grandfathered in, as well, and the only pump that was covered before and is covered now is a single manual pump (not electric). Not gonna cut it when working 9-10 hours days, which necessitates 4-5 pumping sessions.
Many plans, including mine, are grandfathered in and not required to pay for a pump.
I have been lucky with my breastfeeding experiences. All three babies latched quickly, easily and I never had real supply issues. The pump and I are definitely frenemies though!
New moms hear this: DO NOT allow the “baby-friendly” hospital staff keep you from giving your baby a pacifier if you think he or she wants it!!!!! Baby-friendly is not mommy friendly! PACK ONE IN YOUR HOSPITAL BAG! If the baby doesn’t want it, he or she will refuse it!
Also a quick suggestion from experience – on Saturday or Sunday when the hubby is home, make a BIG POT of oatmeal – the real stuff, steel cut Irish oats. It takes a long time but it is sooooo worth it. Make it with 1/2 milk and 1/2 water to make it richer. Then store it serving size containers in the fridge. It is a God-send for breastfeeding moms who need the calories and nutrients. You can eat it cold out of the fridge or warm it up on a good day 🙂 Smoothies with frozen fruit and Greek yogurt are good afternoon snacks as well. You can make these in advance and store them too plus you can throw all kinds of fruit and veggies you can imagine into one 🙂 Hope this helps a bit!
Awesome recipe! I will try it for sure. Good point on bring your own paci.
I am sorry you are frenemies with the pump and I am jealous of your lack of supply issues. That is great!
Look, I have nursed 3 babies and am generally an advocate for nursing BUT it kinda bums me out how “do or die” we’ve become about it. Can’t we have a sense of humor about all of this mothering stuff? I mean, not everything has to be so darn serious. Lanolin DOES stain. It does. Period. If someone wants to come wash my tank tops and nursing bras, have at it. Nursing does make you ravenous. As does pot. Funny joke! Guys joke about getting kicked in the balls, so why can’t we joke about our boobs? I dunno … I appreciate people’s advocacy 100% but it seems like we all have to mince our words so much these days. At least publicly anyway. I, for one, found this funny as an actively nursing mom.
I agree that it doesn’t need to be do or die, and that we need a sense of humor. My problem with this post was that the tone didn’t read as funny (I realize this is a subjective thing) and offers no resources for people struggling with any of the issues mentioned. The biggest problem for me is that if you are going to list all the difficulties then you need to list at least a link to a reference of a way to solve those difficulties. A simple link and mention of the La Leche League would suffice. Give a first time mom looking for info a place to go to hear the other side. I have read many funny posts about breastfeeding and gotten a good laugh from them. This post did not make me smile once.
I 100% respect that. I guess my thing is that she never marketed this piece as a resource or a way to solve the challenges. Does that make sense? Like by the title alone you can tell it’s probably going to be blunt and perhaps crass. I think if it were titled “How I Survived Breastfeeding” or something then it would be different, but I guess my expectations for what I would get by reading it were met. And humor IS subjective. I personally can’t stand South Park and many people love it – but just because it’s not funny to everyone doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. And for me I would have LOVED to have read these details earlier in my nursing journeys because quite frankly I find all the flowery posters and language at the hospital kind of off-putting and unrealistic – but that is my own personal opinion obviously.
Yes, totally makes sense. I hear what you are saying. It just rubbed me the wrong way, ya know? Again all subjective. I just think of the woman on the fence coming across this and then deciding it’s not even worth it to try.
Ironically, though, I actually think some moms would find this and then maybe be MORE open to it because they know what to expect. All of the marketing done in hospitals and even by LLL and other advocacy groups often shows a beautiful mom with flowing hair sitting under an oak tree nursing her baby with a loving gaze. I don’t think I have ever seen a crying mom with bags under her eyes, milk flying across the room and bleeding nipples. Because that isn’t glamorous and marketing is marketing. Alas, I guess my point is that I think when moms are real with each other – even if the tone or approach isn’t what you’d choose – it might be the info a mom needs to keep going. I think that was her point … that she just heard over and over “breastfeeding is free and great and easy” and in reality that’s not the whole picture. But I really do understand and respect that the tone may not be your cup of tea and appreciate your response because the cool thing is that now moms will be able to read that, too! Win win.
Kristi – I agree with you. I think this could definitely turn off moms from trying breastfeeding especially if they are already on the fence. I’d have less issue with it also if there were links to alternative views and resources. I didn’t find it funny at all either.
Why do we have to have answers to every problem, all the time?! Sometimes we need to just vent our problems to other women and take a chance by putting our problems out in the open, and hope someone has been there and can support and relate! Who doesn’t love a good “unloading” to help ease some frustrations?! Often, that can provide information and comfort that a Google search can’t!
Amen!
So should it go the other way around then? Should a positive breastfeeding article/blog share links to so-called “negative” breastfeeding posts? I don’t find this blog negative at all, but maybe because I can relate. I think it is appropriate to share both sides, but if her experience isn’t completely positive then why does she have to sugar coat it? I wish I had more people share the truth with me before. I struggled greatly to nurse my son due to tongue tie among other things, and I found the most helpful articles to be when other women shared their struggles with breastfeeding. I got more discouraged when I read ones saying how easy it should be after a few weeks, how joyful it was, etc… Everyone experiences those first few months differently. Can we please stop the mommy wars?
This was so funny and very entertaining. We have a similar sense of humor so I appreciate it.
It’s all about perspective and it’s obvious from some of the above comments that everyone’s is not the same. If you don’t agree with Linzy’s perspective, move on and read something else. This is what makes the world go round. Different strokes for different folks.
No need to pick apart and counter point every point in her article. She is the author.
I thought that was the intention of a blog.
Thanks for sharing and keeping it REAL! 🙂
Agree. We all have different experiences and those experiences can benefit different people. To each his own. Thanks for reading!