Breastfeeding is supposed to be natural. You know that women have done it since the beginning of mankind. It is done in third world countries. And around the world women are feeding at this exact second. But there is so much about breastfeeding that is hidden behind the curtain. It is masked by women talking about how much of a bonding experience it is, how wonderful it is, and how it is the right thing for baby. Don’t get me wrong. Yes, it has its perks, but there are so many not so warm and fuzzy aspects of it that no one tells you. So here it is; I am putting it out there.
The pre-game can make you or break you.
I had a poor experience with my first breastfeeding attempt, so this time around I met with a lactation nurse to calm my nerves and answer my questions. Yeah, yeah the classes are OK, but the one on one Q&A was way more effective. Don’t rely on the lactation nurses in the hospital. You will hate them. Between being tired, hormonal, confused, overwhelmed and did I mention tired?, nothing they say will make sense or be comforting. Seek outside help in advance.
You will make friends with your boobs.
Until I attempted breastfeeding, I can honestly said that I didn’t spend much time with my boobs. I mean, they were there and that was about it. But when you breastfeed, you have a much more intimate relationship with them. You get a little handsy. You now hold your boobs for hours a day when feeding, massage them frequently to keep the production flowing and rub your nipples with cream. Plus, you could compete with a topless dancer for logging how much time they are out and on display.
Breastfeeding is not free.
Yeah we have all heard that if nothing else, breastfeeding is free. I am here to tell you it is far from free. There is the pump, which is a necessity if you plan to go back to work or ever plan to attempt to leave the house. Then there are the storage supplies, sleeping bras, regular bras, the freezer bag thing to take with you, creams, and so on. Dropping $60 on one nursing bra made me realize just how expensive this endeavor is getting. Yeah, and don’t mention that you can get cheaper ones from Target, because when you have boobs, with a bra size in letters you didn’t know they made bras in, you can’t. Nope, not on their website either. We are talking about special order.
Your diet is similar to a drug addict.
Yep, you could take up residence in Colorado because of the amount of food scavenging that you do. Especially in the very beginning, exactly when hubby goes back to work, there is little time to actually make a meal. No, I am not talking about dinner. I am talking about breakfast and lunch, the ones you are solo on. Basically, if it can fit into your hand with out making too much of a mess without a plate and doesn’t have to be prepared in anyway, it is fair game and considered a meal. Things that fall into this category are king cake, string cheese, granola bars, apples and Cheese-Its. All are nowhere near the high protein diet that breastfeeding moms are supposed to consume. Um…sorry, dear baby, I can’t feed you because I am busy preparing protein doesn’t quite work.
This stuff stains.
No, breastfeeding itself does not stain, but Lanolin does. Lanolin is this magic cream that makes your nipples hate you just a bit less in the first couple of weeks. But in the large quantities that I was applying it, it became the nemesis of my pajamas. Which means that by the time I am finished breastfeeding, I will need to replace all of my pajamas and a few of my husband’s shirts that I have claimed with boobie stains. File this also under the breastfeeding is not free issue.
Breastfeeding is an individual sport.
Yes, I know that seems obvious, but after bottle feeding my first and it being a team sport, it sucks to be the only one getting up at night. You really realize it is all on you at about 3AM on the third night home from the hospital. Although, I may have wished so hard that my husband could just take a feeding or two that I am surprised he didn’t start lactating. Damn, where is my fairy godmother when you need her.
A blocked milk duct in your nipple is the female equivalent of getting kicked in the balls.
Yep it is. Every time the baby latches, it is like getting kicked. It is a sharp pain that paralyzes you for a second. The only difference is that you know you are going to experience the pain and you have to do it about every two hours. If childbirth wasn’t enough, this little gem keeps your boobs feeling just glorious.
Breastfeeding has a sense of humor.
You are brainwashed in the hospital not to give your baby a pacifier because they will have nipple confusion. So you become a human pacifier at the beck and call of baby at any time. Add in nipples that basically have been rubbed raw with sandpaper at the beginning, and it makes for a great time. On about your second night home from the hospital, when you are in the trenches of nipple pain and getting brave away from the lactation Nazis and you try a pacifier, you baby wont take it!!! Breastfeeding 1, Mommy 0
Modesty and breastfeeding don’t mix.
There are all these campaigns for acceptance of women breastfeeding in public. And, I know you lose modesty when you have a baby, but at some point you have to reclaim some of it. To each his own, because I couldn’t even imagine whipping my boob out in public to feed my child. Um no. And, no not even with a cover up because there are not enough hands to hold the baby, the boob and then negotiate the cover up in place. It’s too risky for a free show in my opinion. I’ll keep my boobs out of public places for my comfort and your comfort, no problem. I am barely comfortable feeding in my own home much less taking this show on the road.
Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart.
Your boobs will hurt in ways you didn’t know were possible, and they will do things you didn’t know they could do. So you have to be up for it. But after bottle feeding my first and feeling like breastfeeding moms were nuts, I know now that they are. Being on the breastfeeding side of the fence, I know that breastfeeding moms are putting in a ton of work and the only reward is going to the pediatrician and seeing how much weight the baby has gained. It is a lot of pressure!
mastitis is about the worst thing ever. I had a clog, which I get regularly. Then with in hours I was sick. I had a 103 feaver, chills, pain, dizziness, threw up. Couldn’t get out of bed for 2 days. Got on antibiotics and it cleared up quickly. Now I have this looming fear that every clog is going to turn into mastitis. My friend suggested taking a T twice a day of apple cider viniger. I have been doing that and hopefully it will keep away any infections. It was not this hard with my first.
It’s good to know I’m not alone in my frustrations! All you hear about is the good loveie dovie side of it. It makes me feel like I’m failing because it hasn’t been easy or all that enjoyable. Thanks for this lighthearted article about the reality of breastfeeding and sharing your story!
I am so sorry about your experience! I hear you it can totally suck and agree that we need to share the good with the bad. It can help! I am sure you are doing a great job. Hang in their mom!
Wow great story, it is your opinion about the crap no one tells you about breastfeeding, yet someone always has to take it the wrong way. The first weeks are the worst omg I wanted to just give up it just took so much out of me. I am thankful for a supportive husband who might not have gotten up as oten as myself, but he would change diapers and made sure I had snacks. Ohh the Pediatrician visits and how stressful it was to see if my baby was getting enough milk and growing, because you have no idea how much they eat at first. Feeding in public oh boy this was fun, felt like the coverup brought more attention to myself. It was hot under there and trying to feed and make sure you are not exposing skin is a workout on its own. I am not one to feed in public just bc I do not feel comfortable with it and some moms can and thats fine but it is not in my comfort zone. Pumping is so stressful too and it does not empty the breast as well as baby does. This articl made me laugh and it reminded me of how hard it was at first and how much easier it is now. Breastfeeding is not for everyone for sure and thats ok. We should not judge other moms on what is better as long as baby is healthy and happy I believe we are doing or part as mothers.
Yes! I have never in my life been so happy to see a scale! The weight checks were much needed for me as they give reassurance that breastfeeding is working. I am so glad you got a good laugh from this. I think we need to laugh about it because it is so stressful. It can help. The first weeks are the worst and I think reading something like this can help a mom power through rather than think she is doing something wrong and wave the white flag in surrender.
ha! love it! jesus, if we can’t have a sense of humor about breastfeeding, how would we survive? in all seriousness, tho, i wish i had known a lot of this before i started. it was by far the hardest thing i’ve done – worth it, and i’m sticking with it, but damn! HARD. and we need to talk about how hard it is and be honest about that – and dare i say, have a sense of humor about it as well! thanks for the great post!
Glad you enjoyed it. Yes it is HARD and so rewarding! Thanks for reading!
I didn’t realize how long my nipples could become after pumping. I have to fold them in half to get them back in the (rather expensive and I’ll fitting, nursing) bra!!
I’m reading this as I’m sitting here pumping. Your article had me laughing out loud at several points. Just to sleep in on a Saturday morning meant I had to get up and pump. I think I am nuts, too…and I’m glad I am. 🙂
Your tone and meaning were not lost on me. Great article! Thanks for writing.
Glad you enjoyed it. I think I am nuts too. I think all moms have some mama bear qualities in them! The things we do in order to try and get sleep. I hope you got some shut eye!
Thank you for telling this side of things! I got mastitis at the same time that my milk was coming in and ended up back in the NICU because my baby had jaundice from not getting enough to eat. I still only produce about half of what my little one eats so I have to supplement. Its such a helpless feeling to constantly read about how great breastfeeding is for your baby and not being able to exclusively feed him Breast milk. Sometimes you just need to hear other people’s struggles to not feel so alone!
I am so sorry! That is unbelievably frustrating. Breastfeeding is not all unicorns and roses, I think, for most moms. so supporting each other by talking about it honestly is what we need. I think talking about only the good is what beats down the mom who is struggling. Hang in there!
I find this post funny because I too remember those thoughts going through my head as I breastfed my boys…both to 14 months. It’s so true! I don’t find this post anti-breastfeeding but more of a tongue and cheek look at Linzy’s experience. Breastfeeding does hurt, and it does take time for your nimples to get used to it and a blocked duct hurts like getting kicked in the balls…and it does cost money if you do want to leave for a day or for work or any of those above mentioned. I think people have gotten waaay too serious about things. There should be support for all sides and as long as our children are healthy that’s what matters. So many children are born in situations where they are not cared for, maybe a mom/baby addicted to drugs…how can we fight about this when some babies aren’t even given a chance? I’m all pro breastfeeding but I do not judge other moms for making the choice to formula feed. We all have choices! 🙂
You didn’t mention that your hormones are crazy until the day you wean the child. 15+ months with my older two and I didn’t realize that my craziness was drastically reduced the day I stopped breast feeding. With my third I’m still crazy but at least I know the cause. 🙂
Amen! Nobody told me how hard it would be. I remember being in so much pain and someone telling me I would start to enjoy it at 4 months, I was like whaaaaaaaat?! All my lactation people said everything looked perfect but it hurt like a mother for 7 weeks! If I hadn’t read 2 books on bf before delivery I probably would have quit. I love the honesty and I KNEW you were gonna open a big ol can of controversy with a bunch of mom’s mad at you, but thank you! It’s nice to have the other side of breastfeeding out there on the Internet somewhere, The insides extremism is too much. Good job
People need to lighten up! I’m 12 weeks in with my first, and I still have sore nipples from time to time. Her latch gets lazy, and ouch!
If I didn’t have a support group on Facebook, I would have been lost. Other moms need to know the bad side, too, because that’s real life. Thanks for the article. I had a good chuckle at my desk procrastinating from having to pump.