Lessons I’ve Learned as a College Mom :: Third Time’s the Charm!
It seems like just yesterday I was writing about my oldest leaving for college in the fall of 2022. Yet here I am, approaching the fall of 2026, preparing to send my third child off to begin the same journey. Thankfully, I still have one more at home, my youngest of four children, who will be in seventh grade, so I’m not quite an empty nester. There is still time before that chapter begins.
Still, this season feels different. With one college graduate back at home and another entering junior year, I’ve now experienced enough of the joys, challenges, and unexpected moments to know that every goodbye teaches something new.
As I prepare to help my third child spread his wings, I find myself reflecting on the lessons I learned with the first two. My hope is that those lessons will help me face this transition with a little more wisdom, a little more peace, and perhaps a little less worry.
After all, they say the third time’s the charm.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way. None of them came from a parenting manual; they came through trial and error.
The first lesson is one I cannot emphasize enough and that is to encourage your child to make that first semester count.
Aim high. Strive for the best grades possible. Whether that’s a 4.0 or close to it, starting strong makes an incredible difference. A solid first semester GPA gives students a cushion and builds confidence. It’s much easier to maintain a high GPA than to spend the next three and a half years trying to recover from a rough start.
I share this advice with each of my children before they leave for college. Of course, I know the temptations are real. College brings newfound freedom, new friends, and opportunities they didn’t have in high school. There will always be time for social events and late nights, but I remind them to keep the bigger picture in mind: academics are the main reason they are there.
One piece of wisdom from my aunt has stayed with me over the years, and I’ve said it out loud repeatedly: “Pay now, or you’ll pay later.”
The discipline they develop during that first semester often sets the tone for everything that follows.
Another lesson I’ve learned is to stop checking Life360.
I know this is easier said than done.
When your child first leaves for college, it is very tempting to check where they are, whether they made it back to the dorm, or if they’re safe. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that reassurance. But over time, I realized I wasn’t checking for their safety anymore. I was checking to see if they had made it to class, if they were awake, or if they were doing what they were supposed to be doing.
That’s when I knew I had to let go.
College is often the first time our children experience complete independence. They must learn that every choice has a consequence. If they skip class, they’ll have to deal with the grade. If they stay up too late, they’ll feel it the next morning. Those lessons are far more powerful when they experience them themselves rather than having us rescue them.
As parents, our job gradually shifts from managing their lives to trusting that we’ve prepared them to manage their own. Ironically, letting go brought peace to both of us. They gained the freedom to grow into responsible adults, and I stopped losing sleep over things I could not control.
Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss. We don’t need to know every detail of their day. We simply need to trust that we’ve done our job and allow them the opportunity to do theirs.
Another lesson I’ve learned is to have a clear financial plan before your child ever leaves for college.
If your son or daughter doesn’t plan to work during the school year and you intend to provide an allowance, establish expectations from the beginning. Decide how much you’ll give them, how often they’ll receive it, whether weekly, biweekly, or monthly, and stick to that plan. Then let them manage it.
One of the greatest lessons college teaches is financial responsibility. Once their allowance is gone, it’s gone. Resist the urge to continually send extra money because they spent it too quickly. Learning to budget is part of becoming an adult. In the famous last words of my children, “they’ll figure it out.”
For many students, their meal plan, tuition, and housing are already covered. The allowance is simply for the extras, coffee with friends, a meal off campus, a movie, or other fun activities. Those are wants, not needs. Managing a limited budget teaches valuable life skills that cannot be learned in a classroom. They will make mistakes, overspend from time to time, and wish they had planned differently. That is okay. Those experiences are often the very lessons that prepare them for life after college.
Another lesson I’ve learned is that it’s important to establish some basic household expectations when your college student comes home for weekends, holidays, or summer break.
At school, they’re accustomed to coming and going without anyone keeping tabs on them. That’s part of becoming independent. But home is different.
When they’re under our roof, it’s not about controlling them; it’s about being respectful of the household. If you have a curfew, they should honor it. If they’re going to be late or spending the night elsewhere, a simple text or phone call goes a long way. Letting us know where they are isn’t about monitoring every move; it’s a courtesy that brings peace of mind to the people who love them most.
I will say that while my kids are away at college, my husband and I sleep better because we have learned to trust our children and let go of constant worrying. However, when they return home, it is very easy to slip back into old habits. Clear expectations help everyone adjust.
It’s also helpful to talk about everyday responsibilities before they come home. Who does the laundry? What chores are expected? How are meals handled? As children become young adults, it’s reasonable to expect them to take greater ownership of these daily tasks rather than falling back into being cared for as they were in high school.
The goal is not to make home feel restrictive. It’s to help them understand that adulthood comes with responsibility, wherever they live. In addition, once kids leave for college, a new household rhythm is set just like they have set a new rhythm at school. It’s basically establishing rules to get everyone back in sync.
Another conversation worth having before your child leaves for college is whether they really need to bring a car during their first semester.
Our first two children took their vehicles to school, but with our third, we’ve decided to do things a little differently. His car will stay at home, at least for the first semester.
For us, it simply makes sense. He has plenty of friends who travel home on the weekends, and his sister is already at the same college and can give him a ride when needed. If an emergency comes up, the campus isn’t hours away, and we can always make the drive to get him.
Every family’s situation is different, but I’ve learned that a car isn’t always a necessity. Leaving it at home eliminates concerns about parking, maintenance, accidents, and the temptation to be constantly on the road. It also encourages students to settle into campus life and become part of the college community.
Sometimes, simplifying the transition benefits both parents and students. It’s one less thing for everyone to worry about.
Another important conversation to have before your child leaves for college is about nutrition and exercise.
College is often the first time students are completely responsible for feeding themselves. They no longer come home knowing dinner will be on the table or that the refrigerator is stocked with familiar foods. They’ll need to decide when to eat, what to eat, and how to make healthy choices amid a busy schedule.
That’s why it’s helpful to create a game plan before move-in day. If your child has specific nutrition goals, encourage them to explore the dining hall options early, identify healthier choices, and keep nutritious snacks and simple meals in their dorm room. A little planning goes a long way when classes, studying, and social activities begin competing for their time.
The same is true for exercise.
Encourage them to make movement part of their daily routine from the very beginning. That doesn’t necessarily mean spending hours in the gym. It can be as simple as walking to class instead of catching a ride, taking an evening walk around campus, or visiting the recreation center a few times each week.
I’ve found that movement creates momentum. The more active we are, the more energized, disciplined, and productive we tend to feel. On the other hand, inactivity has a way of becoming a habit of its own. Establishing healthy routines early can make a tremendous difference, not only for their physical health, but for their mental well-being and academic success as well.
This past semester I purchased my daughter a very inexpensive walking pad so on days she could not get to the gym, she could walk while watching her favorite tv show. Just 10 minutes of walking will do the mind and body good.
Last but certainly not least, give yourself, and your child, grace.
Things are going to happen. They may get sick. They may have to visit an urgent care clinic. They may have a bad break up. They might fail a test, oversleep and miss a class, or make a decision they wish they could do over.
That’s part of college.
As parents, our instinct is to jump in and fix every problem. But one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the opportunity to work through challenges on their own. We can offer advice, listen without judgment, and guide them from a distance, but we don’t always have to rescue them.
What they need most is to know that we’re still there.
Whether your child is an hour away or halfway across the country, your role begins to shift. Instead of solving every problem, you become their steady source of encouragement, wisdom, and unconditional love. Sometimes that means talking them through a difficult situation over the phone. Other times, if they’re close enough, it may mean making the drive to help when they truly need you.
Either way, they are learning to navigate adulthood, and you are learning to parent an adult.
Neither role is easy, and neither one is perfected overnight.
Trust the foundation you’ve spent years building. Trust the values you’ve instilled. Trust that the lessons you’ve taught will begin to take root even if you can’t always see it.
And most of all, let your child know this: no matter how independent they become, they never have to navigate life’s challenges alone. They will always have a home, and they will always have you.
About Vivian Marino
Vivian Marino is a stay-at-home mom of 4 kids ages 18, 17, 14, and 9. She’s been married to her husband Mark for 19 years and they live in the New Orleans Lakefront area. When she’s not busy attending football games, soccer games, or doing endless loads of laundry, she enjoys her weekly date nights with her husband and spending time with her kids doing outdoor activities. She also writes for the Clarion Herald and NOLA Catholic Parenting. Her passion is all things fitness given that she has her Master’s in Exercise Physiology. On any given day, you can find her doing her favorite Hour Blast class or trying any new workout out in town. During the summer months, she hits the mountains and the trails doing what she loves the most … hiking! The harder the climb, the better the view!
