Showing Up for Our Kids
My child is at the age where I find myself feeling that time has passed so quickly and time is short before he graduates high school and heads out on his own. It seems far off, but the harsh reality is that it will be here sooner than we realize. Of course, he will always be our son, but our relationship will look different as he moves into young adulthood. I find myself thinking about how to make the most of the time we have left together and how I prepare him to weather the inevitable storms that adolescence and young adulthood will bring.
The answer is so simple that I often miss it – being present. It’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day chaos of carpool, homework, and appointments that we all feel like we meet each other in passing. If we’re not careful, we spend countless hours on our phones responding to emails or texting trying to keep up with work demands. As I have looked more intentionally at my daily life, I have taken the time to consider where I am missing out on being more present and how I can make some practical changes.
As someone who has yet to arrive, here are some things I consider in trying to be more fully present for my family:
Screen Time
If I’m not careful, I can take a quick second to check email on my phone or scroll social media only to realize 30 minutes later that I have wasted valuable time. I have tried to be more intentional about not pulling up social media multiple times throughout the day because I know I’m likely to get lost in the feeds. I try to limit myself to how many times a day I open it. Instead, I try to be present with my son and enjoy our time together.
Boundaries with Emails
There have been a few times where I checked my email late at night to find an email that frustrated me or involved a crisis that I would need to address first thing in the morning. The reality is that there was nothing I could do about it until I got into the office the next morning. The only thing I could do was put it to the side or dread the day to come. This frustration ended up putting me in a position where I was irritated and could not enjoy the last few hours of the evening with my family. I try to make it clear to my students and those I work with that I rarely check email after 5 PM, but that I will get back with them the next day. This is one of the ways that I try to put work aside and focus on my family while I’m at home.
The Little Things
Some of you, like me, might have agreed to take on extra projects at home, church, or some other extracurricular activity that seemed simple. The project was not difficult, but needed a little time and attention. The problem with these little projects is that they add up when combined. By itself, the project might not have been so time-consuming, but when you pair it with others, your time has been eaten away. The next thing you know you are being run ragged trying to take care of everything. Over the last few years, I have tried to cut back on the number of responsibilities I take on even if they sound simple. This has freed up my time to be with my family without feeling so many things pulling at me at once.
We live in a fast-paced society where we are often expected to be completely accessible to others at all times. Being present with our families will mean putting aside our phones and laptops and setting boundaries with others.
