Parents, Stop Checking The Grade Alerts
We are fortunate to have the technology we have. I can listen to an audiobook on my commute. I can tell Alexa to lock my door when I don’t feel like moving from my bed. I can see a doctor on FaceTime. And then there’s the parent portal, both a blessing and a curse. Whether it becomes a blessing or a curse for you family depends on how you use your school’s electronic grade book. Use it wisely, as the constant grade updates aren’t healthy for anyone.
We Don’t Need To Add To The Kids’ Anxiety
First and foremost, we don’t need to give these kids any more anxiety than they already have. These are the Covid kids. The Ida kids. The social media kids. We don’t need to add to what they already have going on. They just don’t need 24/7 access to grades and schoolwork constantly in their faces.
Give The Kids A Minute To Think
The constant feedback isn’t good for our kids. They need to develop the skill of identifying a problem, considering it, and determining strategies for improvement. Or, sometimes a bad grade can simply be a result of forgetfulness or laziness. In that case, we owe our children the opportunity to say, “I screwed up because I slacked off. Now I have to dig myself out of a hole. Here is my plan to do it.” Admitting fault and developing a course of action is a life skill that many adults are still honing. When we are constantly connected to the grade book, we are doing our children a disservice by not giving them the opportunity for growth that comes with approaching us before we approach them. School these days is stressful enough. I don’t want to compound that stress by blindsiding my kid with “I saw you got a 35/50 on math” before he’s seen his grade and reviewed his mistakes. Or, other times, we could be missing important context. I once saw a grade on the multiple choice portion that popped up automatically before the teacher had graded the short answer questions. It wound up being a good grade after all. Let’s give the kids a chance to explain.
We Don’t Need To Add To Our Anxiety
As parents, with everything else we have on our plates, do we need to contribute to our stress by checking email alerts from newly posted grades? I’ve been in situations more than once where, as a nurse, I was starting an IV on a patient when my Apple watch alerted to a new grade. I’ve since altered my settings to make sure that such notifications don’t cause distractions throughout my day. Nothing good can come from checking a grade while my kid’s at school anyway. If it’s a good grade, I want to experience that joy and pride with my child when he tells me his efforts paid off. If it’s not a good grade, I don’t want to worry about it while I’m at work or getting my nails done or grocery shopping. I want to hear his explanation and be there for him to a) reassure me that he knows what went wrong and how to improve, b) acknowledge that he needs some help, and c) support him through his disappointment.
Speaking Of Our Anxiety, Let’s Talk About The Class GroupMe
I’ve said before that group chats in general drive me bananas. So it’s 1:30 on a work day, and we all get the same alert at the same time: grades for the ELA benchmark are back. And then the group messages begin, the conspiracy theorists come out, and parents are going berserk. And one mom’s anxiety is feeding another’s, and the whole GroupMe is spiraling. The kids aren’t even on the bus yet, and parents are already emailing teachers. It’s insanity and serves exactly no one. Let the kids initiate these conversations.
Teachers, This Ain’t About You
I’m not asking the teachers to do anything differently. As a former teacher, I know that staying on top of grades is a challenge. I think it’s great that technology allows for some computer-based tests to be scored in real time. I think it can be beneficial for parents to have access to grades. I would just encourage parents to adjust the settings and cut down on the notifications. A method that has worked well for us has been checking once in the evening AFTER our kids have seen and processed and formulated a response. We have the conversation. We evaluate. We praise or fuss. And then we drop it and move forward.