Navigating Life & Motherhood When Your Partner Is Working Out Of Town
“When is Daddy coming home?” “Why does Daddy have to work out of town?” “Are you going to have to work out of town too?” These are some of the questions that I have been fielding a lot lately, and honestly, it’s been tricky to explain to a 5-year-old. From time to time, her dad’s job takes him out of town, but for some reason, this particular Memphis project has been more difficult to navigate than the other ones. Maybe it’s because my daughter is a little older this time around, maybe it’s the longer length of the project. Who knows? But the questions still came at me like rapid fire.
It hasn’t been easy to say the least, but I have learned quite a few things that have helped to make this season of life a bit easier to get through. The biggest thing that I’ve learned is that I HAD to let go of the expectations I held of a 2-parent household. The time that is available is basically cut in half, and when I was trying to keep things going as if nothing had changed, I was constantly feeling exhausted, drained, and annoyed.
I knew that if I wanted to feel different, I needed to rethink what I was expecting out of myself. So I allowed myself to leave the laundry in the dryer a bit longer. I allowed myself to make some easy dinner so that I wasn’t cooking, eating, and then cleaning for my entire evening. I allowed myself to ask for help, maybe even a little more than normal. And I gave myself a little bit of grace, and sometimes a lot of pep talks.
I have also been reminded of the importance of FaceTime to help my daughter stay as connected as possible to her dad. She has had some big emotions during this process (as have I, to be honest), and being able to see and talk to her dad has helped her to navigate their connection and her questions and feelings. She looks forward to seeing him, even if for just a few minutes in the morning on the way to school. Or sometimes, we will prop up the phone and the 3 of us will eat dinner together. It gives all of us a little sense of normalcy and connection.
Sure, this whole experience has been a challenge for me, but what’s been eye-opening for me is that it has been just as hard on my husband, just in different ways. I’ve been able to grow closer to my daughter, and he’s missing out on new and fun experiences. I get to comfort and cuddle her when she’s hurt, but he can only use words to express his comfort. I’ve been able to spend time with family and friends, and most of his time is spent working. Over the Easter break, we surprised our daughter with a trip to Memphis to see her dad, and it was a VERY much-needed trip – for all of us.
I’d like to think that in most new situations, I try to learn something new about myself, others, the world. About myself, I’ve learned that I can take on a lot and stay mostly sane. I’ve also learned that I took for granted the support, partnership, and co-parenting skills that my husband brings to our family. Sometimes it’s only when someone isn’t there that you realize the impact of that person, and this entire experience has made me so much more grateful for my husband and all that he does for our little family.
And lastly, I’ve been made even more aware that solo-parenting is HARD and certainly not for the faint of heart. I’ve always been in awe of single parents because they wear so many hats, never stop, and are these human powerhouses of parents. The level of respect and compassion I have for single parents has multiplied exponentially over the past month because I have had a brief peek behind the curtain of the wizardry of single parenting, and let me tell you, it is both exhausting and inspiring.
This glimpse has shown me just how much strength, resilience, and grit it takes to carry the full weight of parenting day in and day out – all day, everyday. It’s made me more aware about the importance of offering support, showing up for my people when I can, and giving myself grace when things don’t go quite like I had planned.
