Let’s Stop Judging: We Are All Doing the Best We Can

Last week during a virtual hangout with a group of girlfriends, I vented about how badly I wish my son’s daycare was open. Working from home full-time with a baby certainly was never a desire of mine, but nonetheless, it’s reality for most working moms right now. The other mothers on the call shared their woes of not having access to their various childcare options during COVID-19. Eventually one friend chimed in and said “I feel guilty admitting it, but my daycare is still open and I’m still sending my children.”

Another friend added that her daycare is also still open, but she is keeping her child home by choice. Following that, the majority of us proclaimed how envious we were that they have these options right now.

Six weeks after my son’s daycare closed and I am still struggling with the adjustment.

After we got off of the phone and I reflected on it, I really hate that my girlfriend had to feel guilty about sharing her truth, but I get it. Judgment is hard all the time, but the judgment I’m seeing during this pandemic is at an all-time high. Especially from the moms.

I’ve heard and overheard it all:

  • Look, that mom brought her kids into the store…
  • Her kid didn’t login to the class meeting today…
  • They have both parents at home, some people have to do it alone…
  • It’s really not as hard as she’s making it out to be…
  • You should try a schedule…
  • At least you have a job…
  • Hmmm, that’s a lot of screen time…

I hate it. I really wish we would give each other a break. Times are HARD right now and we are all adjusting. Some are handling this new normal better than others, while some are reaching their breaking point. Mom life is harder than ever for most mothers right now as we were all unexpectedly given 10 additional hats to wear.

New challenge

I want to challenge us all to reflect for a second before we judge during this pandemic. For just a second, when we want to question a situation, let’s pause and remember that each of us are doing our very best. Then let’s acknowledge and accept that what’s best will look different for each of us.

We simply don’t know each person’s situation. Some parents may have no option to avoid taking their kids into the store with them. There are some “essential” workers whose careers don’t immediately come to mind. Some have to rely on others for childcare. Some have had to make some very difficult decisions during this unprecedented time. Some are working from home with jobs that must be done during traditional work hours, leaving no opportunity to work after the kids are in bed each night. Some are truly losing their sanity and doing whatever it takes to stay safe.

This is a global pandemic, let’s try to cut each other a little slack. Yes, we should all be following our local restrictions and being as safe and vigilant as we can be. But moving forward, let’s try to minimize the judgment, give each other some grace and assume that each mom is doing the very best she can.

Danielle Blanco
Danielle is a native New Orleanian. She graduated from Ben Franklin and attended the University of New Orleans' undergraduate and graduate schools. She and her husband Abraham married in 2017 and welcomed their son Blaise in June of 2019. She balances motherhood with working full time as the Director of Finance and Operations at a local CMO. As a first time mom she is learning to embrace the chaos. Danielle’s current struggle is getting her little one to nap as well at home as he does at daycare and to utilize his sippy cup. This type-A mama can usually be found on the go with a to-do list and a plan. She enjoys gift giving, thrifting, watching tv and sewing. Additionally, she never turns down a happy hour or beach vacation. She is excited to experience New Orleans as a mom and is truly proud to call it home.

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