Dear Sons :: What I Want You to Remember of Me

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Most days are ended with me letting out an exhausted sigh after closing the last bedroom door at bedtime. I tip toe into the living room in the most quiet awkward walk in hopes to not wake up my 3 crazy adorable sons. Lots of nights I’m too tired for one more book as my patience has been tested too many times. All I want to do is fall on the couch and catch up on my DVR.

As I sit there, I can’t help but wonder, did I do enough today?

Then I start feeling guilty for not reading another book. Is that what they will remember? The mom who is tired and burnt out most of the time?

I don’t want them to remember me like that, despite that it is the reality most days.

So to my 3 sons, this is what I hope you remember of your mom as you grow up:

I want you to remember the days where we went thru the Chick Fil A line, then had an indoor picnic in the living room while watching the Disney Channel. We stuffed our bellies with too many waffle fries all the while smiling and giggling on the floor.

I want you to remember the times when we would decorate holiday cookies. When you would slather huge globs of icing across a cut out sugar cookie and feverishly dump half a container of sprinkles on it. All the while licking your fingers.

I want you to remember as babies how I kept you next to me in a bassinet at night. Always within an arm’s reach. I would check on you constantly and just be in awe that this new precious life was gifted to me. 

I want you to remember the days where we would randomly put on our bathing suits, load up the van with beach toys and towels and take an impromptu day trip to the Mississippi Gulf Coast Beach. We would spend the hot day playing in the sand and flying kites.

I want you to remember the times we would blare “Can’t Stop the Feeling” by Justin Timberlake in our swagger wagon. I would look in my rear view mirror and see all three little boys bobbing their heads along to the music and clapping.

I want you to remember all the hugs. The hug I gave you right after delivery, the first hug I gave you days after you were born in the NICU, the hug I gave you with open arms when you took your first steps and the hug I gave you on your first day of school.

I want you to remember me apologizing for the times I lost my cool. The times where I yelled a little too loud but apologized after.

I want you to remember that with each candle you blew out yearly on your birthday cake, I was thankful for another year with you. Another blessed 365 days.

And most importantly, I want you to remember that I tried my best. Every single day, I strive to be the best version of myself for you.

Only time will tell what memories my sons will have as their childhood. However, I hope they remember a few of these. 

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