“In general, when I complain that I am having trouble taking care of everything, I would just like for people to acknowledge that motherhood is hard. I don’t always needs suggestions or solutions; I just need acknowledgment of my feelings.”
Moms Are Underpaid :: An Interactive Discussion {Plus WIN a Staycation!}
While parenting has always been a challenging endeavor, it is safe to say that the COVID-19 pandemic created numerous additional stressors for the modern family. Without much warning at all, and with no handbook on how to parent during a pandemic, parents were
abruptly given stay-at-home orders and forced to figure out how to effectively (or not so effectively) work from home while also juggling the demands of childcare, schoolwork and household responsibilities. Of course, this all occurred against the backdrop of a very scary time in history when anxiety and fear were ever present. No one knew how to do this, and everyone was quite literally guessing at the next right thing. “Motherhood, working, being a wife for me is definitely a build the ship while it sails adventure,” remarked one local mom.
As we slowly emerge from this unique period of time and return to some normalcy, it is clear that moms are carrying a lot of valid (and heavy) emotions and attempting to process the experience. In general, moms are reporting high levels of stress, remarking repeatedly that they feel burnt out, overwhelmed and quite frankly real tired of making decisions.
I’m so sick of making decisions. It was up to me to decide my family’s level of comfort with Covid restrictions, what to do about daycare, if we were socializing or not, etc. I make big decisions all day at work, and then every single decision at home falls on me too. My husband will literally ask me if he should open or close the blinds. It’s draining.
Another interesting dynamic that surfaced is the division of labor within the home when suddenly everyone was home all the time and the lines between work, home and daycare were blurred. As one mom shared, “With COVID, my husband’s full-time, higher-salary job obviously took precedent over mine, which made perfect sense, but left me feeling resentment that although we were both working from home, I was still the primary parent that had to drop everything for childcare.”
Join The Conversation
With all of these feelings in mind, we teamed up with our friends at the Building Us podcast to have a meaningful conversation about how parents are feeling post pandemic. We want to celebrate our amazing community of New Orleans moms while also acknowledging that the past year in particular has been exceedingly difficult. So pull up a chair and listen to our conversation … and then we’d love for you to join in, too!
Who Wants a Staycation?
In addition to facilitating this important conversation, we’d also love to spoil two lucky New Orleans moms at Mother’s Day this year … we want to hear from YOU.
To enter to win a staycation ::
- Please share what piece of this conversation stood out the most to you. What would you add to the conversation? What topics resonated with you? Please leave your thoughts in a comment on this post. There are no right or wrong answers as we learn motherhood together.
- After commenting, please provide your name and email below so that we can get in touch with you should you be one of the lucky staycation winners! You MUST complete both steps to be eligible to win a staycation as part of the New Orleans Mom & Building Us Podcast Mother’s Day tribute.
Thank you to the following local New Orleans area properties for partnering with us to spoil two lucky moms. We recognize that it has been a tough year, and just for being part of the conversation, you have a chance to win one of the following incredible prizes.
Higgins Hotel :: one night stay in a Studio Suite Plus AND a $25 dollar voucher for Rosie’s on the Roof {Restrictions – based on availability of rooms when reservation is requested; most weekends are high demand and may not have available dates. Certificate is valid for 6 months through the end of October 2021. Total Prize Value of $600}
Southern Hotel :: $300 gift certificate / property credit {2 blackout dates: August 21 and December 31. The rest will be subject to hotel availability. Winner may use the gift card however they’d like; $300 will cover 1 night on a weekend with a little bit left for a drink at the bar OR the winner could opt to use it during the week and maybe get 2 nights OR winner can spend it all in the bar!}
Transitioning to working from home full time and being a caregiver is what resonates with me. When my 1 year old stopped going to day care, a very pregnant me ended up having to balance work and taking care of her. My husband helped plenty, but she was always in the room with me while I worked. It was rough, but I honestly don’t think I’d trade it for the world. It was nice to have her there to make me smile when work was getting rough!
Having the open conversation. With my 13 year old I want her to feel like we are team and in this together and it isn’t just me making all the decisions. Having more open conversation would go a long way in creating that.
What resonated most for me is that as a mom we hold ourselves to impossible standards. We have an expectation thrust upon us by society (perhaps one that pre-dates women working outside of the home) and often self-inflicted to boot that we must be all things to all people and that it is unacceptable to ask for help.
One of my biggest learnings and blessings is an ability to find support in other moms who truly understand our plight. I’ve taken on an unreasonable amount of the daily as well as COVID- related burden for my family while managing a high-stress career but have been able to rely on emotional and child-rearing support of a wonderful friend. Connecting with others has helped me to put things into perspective and to try not to sweat the small stuff. I have been so fortunate to have a mom friend who has normalized the ask for help. Additionally, there are upsides to the time spent at home and being able to leverage time saved that I would have spent either primping or commuting. For me, it’s worth the trade-off to spend evening time with my daughter even if I work after she goes to bed at night. Without COVID, I wouldn’t have had that wonderful opportunity nor would I have strengthened my friendship to family status.
i like the advice and listening to other perspectives on how to handle work life balance.
i couldn’t think of anything that was missing
How you approach topics with your significant other makes all the difference. thank you for that part of the discussion.
The division of labor really resonated with me. I’m the bread winner in our house and I work in Healthcare so I never stopped going to work. My husband was working from home, but chose to keep our then 4-7 month old home with him due to the unknown. I felt I was still expected to carry the brunt of the housework and care for our child when I got home. My husband was very overwhelmed, but wasn’t 100% honest. There was a lot of animosity on both sides and this is something that was difficult to address.
This year is what pushed me to be a stay at home
Mom. I was a teacher for a long time. The school where I worked this year had strict covid protocols (which, I understand) and it was very difficult to get sub coverage for non-covid absences (doctors appts, being home with my daughter, family events). A child in my daughter’s class tested positive, which meant the whole class was quarantined for 10 days, but for some reason I wasn’t considered a close contact and therefore was still expected to come to work. But my boss didn’t seem to understand that I still needed childcare. This is just one example of my daughter being forced out of school when I was still expected to work. Another time was when we traveled to see my husband’s family, and then were told we could not return to school until we quarantined, so I was teaching from home and watching my daughter, alone. As a result, I have inconvenienced my retired mother and younger sister to an uncomfortable degree this year. Imagine paying 5 figures for your granddaughter’s tuition, and then being asked to watch your granddaughter all the time because she isn’t allowed in school due to quarantine rules (she never had covid this year, nor have I or my husband). My mom has asked if she can be reimbursed for all the days that my daughter wasn’t allowed to come to school for one reason or another. But of course, she can’t. I imagined this year would be so different, and easy, teaching where my daughter was in school. But add in a couple of miscarriages, a ridiculous amount of stress, and the expectation that work should come first despite the fact that I’m a mother and a wife first…I’m normally a glass-half-full person but this year has beaten the life out of me and I don’t think it needed to be this way if people understood what moms go through and all that we do. My husband is awesome and helps as much as he can, but he works 2 jobs out of the home and manages a rental property that we own, so the parenting, cooking, and cleaning has largely fallen on me, on top of my full time job. I know that quitting work will have financial implications for us, but emotionally and physically I just cannot do it anymore.
CONGRATS Tiffany you won the Higgins Hotel giveaway! Can you kindly please reply to confirm your email or email us at [email protected] ASAP!
Oh my gosh ???? Thank you!! After I read my comment I was like, “dang girl tell us how you really feel” ???? I totally unloaded but it was like I finally read something that actually validated everything moms have been facing this year. Thank you for creating a space where our feelings are valid and where mamas are seen and valued for all we do. Y’all are such a blessing!! Thankful for you!! ❤️