Ok so I feel like I should start out by saying I am thankful I have a job. It’s a job that comes with benefits, I am able to provide for and contribute to my family. I am also extremely blessed my job allows me to be flexible enough to stay home with my infant son and to be the one who picks up and drops off my daughters from school. I am able to work from home a lot and for that I am truly grateful.
I am blessed but…
Despite all of that, I am not happy with what I do. It’s partly my fault. I didn’t exactly chose this career, it sort of feel into my lap and I’ve been making it work the last 10 years. In college I changed my major about 5 times (props to all you people who knew what you wanted to be when you grew up at 18, I didn’t). So when I finally graduated, I was so done. I had spent 4 years of taking classes full time with summers too and only ended up with a 2 year degree. I couldn’t see continuing on in school. I didn’t have any super exciting job prospects. My then boyfriend (now husband) knew he wanted to go to graduate school and had known basically his entire life. So I took the first job that was offered to me and began working while he worked and finished up his schooling. So here we are nearly a decade later and I am basically just showing up for the paycheck.
I still do my best everyday.
I give my best to everything I do, this job included. But my heart isn’t in it. I daydream of other things I could do, but the truth is our family is not in a place where we can give up my benefits and I am not even 100% sure what else I would do even if I could. So I continue on because it’s what’s best for my family right now. They are what’s most important to me and I will always choose what’s best for them.
I choose to see the good.
This may not be my dream job. I hope one day I figure out what that is and I am able to make it work. But for now I choose to show up, do my best, and try hard to enjoy where I am. I try to appreciate the blessings in my life and feel fortunate for all that I have. I make happiness a daily decision and I stick to that. No one else, no job, not even my children can truly make me happy. That’s something I have to do on my own. I like myself better when I am happy, so that’s what I do my best to focus on. Because I deserve to be happy and my family deserves a happy me. I do my best to put that happiness out into our world daily. Even though I am not loving what I do, I still do it.
