Dear Xavier,
I cannot believe that you would have been 11 this year. It is even harder to believe that you’ve been gone for 8 years.
You were the sweetest baby. You loved music, especially Bruno Mars. You were always so happy in the face of so much adversity. Your strength was unmatched.
I remember the day you were born. You were a chunky baby with the most adorable round face. I did not know you were not okay. They moved you to the NICU. I was pregnant standing over you, they had you under a light and you were holding onto my finger. I knew I would do ANYTHING for you. We found out you needed to be moved to the children’s hospital. I told them they couldn’t take you without Mom seeing you first. You hadn’t even met her yet.
The next few days were crazy. Dad and I bounced between both hospitals to see you and Mom. Everything after that seems like a blur. You had so many surgeries. So many doctors. So much time spent in that hospital.
I remember caring for you and Selena at the same time during one of your few stays at home. Those stays at home were seldom, but I remember them fondly. You brought so much light to my life.
I still struggle to understand why you had to leave us so soon. You were the first immediate family member I had ever lost. I shed so many tears. My life was dark in the years immediately following your departure. For many of those years, I blamed myself for your passing. I knew I would never be the same. I don’t really think you ever heal completely when you lose someone so close to you. You took a piece of me with you when you left this Earth.
I know I was down a bad path for a long time after you left. As the oldest child, all I ever wanted to be was a big sister that my siblings could be proud of, I hope that I am making you proud now
I know you are watching over all of us. I always wonder what you would be like. I know you would be funny. How could you not be? Our parents are hilarious! Smart, sweet and so handsome. I know you would be all of those things.
I love you, my sweet baby brother. You’re amazing, just the way you are.
-Sissy
