The Year I Said Yes to my Health

The Year I Said Yes to my Health

I imagine the situation I’ve been in for the last few years isn’t totally uncommon for moms. Since I had my first child, I stopped taking care of myself.

But I imagine that my situation is maybe a little more intense than that of the average mom. Since I had my first child, I really, truly did not attend to my body, health, or other needs. Outside of my obstetrician appointments for each of my three pregnancies, I did not see a doctor for well over seven years. 

I can’t say what the catalyst was that propelled me to finally start taking charge of my own health again, but three years ago, after a massive breakdown, my husband and I agreed that I needed some help. It took me an entire year from that point to find and commit to seeing a therapist, but I finally did it, and that was the very first step for me attending to my own needs. My mental health took priority over my physical health, but I do think that without that first step of caring for my mind, I wouldn’t have been able to make the shift to caring for my body.

Anyone who’s familiar with the shame cycle may understand how hard it was for me to get back on track with health appointments. Falling behind on appointments and feeling shame about how behind you are leads to putting off making those appointments, which leads to more shame, and so on. For years, I was entirely overwhelmed with making doctor, dentist, and other specialist appointments for my kids, and I couldn’t face the ongoing shame of making my own. It’s been a complete and total mental block. I could overcome the hurdle for my kids but not for myself. Coupled with my lifelong anxiety, making my long overdue appointments was a herculean task – but I did it.

I found and saw a general practitioner, dentist, dermatologist, gynecologist, and periodontist. I got up to date with some vaccines and got my hair cut more regularly in a year than I had in a very long time. I scheduled a minor surgery I had been putting off for a while. I continued with my therapy and keeping up with my mental health. 

My last task to do before the year is complete is to schedule a visit with my optometrist, and I will finally be all caught up with all my necessary annual appointments. I’m trying to let the shame of having waited so long fall away in the light of having successfully gotten back on track. Next year I hope to further focus on my physical health and get back into the habit of regular exercise, but I’m also learning to not put too much pressure on myself and to choose progress over perfection. 

I wish I had great advice or words of wisdom for anyone else struggling out there either with the shame cycle or caring for themselves, but all I can say is that if I can get back into this, so can you! It wasn’t easy, and between all my appointments and all of my kids’, I feel like I am perpetually in a waiting room or doctor’s office somewhere, but I feel relief at knowing I am caring for everyone’s health – including my own.