The Truth to “How Do You Do It All” Is You Don’t … At Least Not Alone
If one more person asks me “how do you do it all?” I may scream. It’s not because I mind them asking. It’s because of the optics — I am not doing it all on my own. I’m passionate about sharing this because optics has gotten us into a perpetual state of discouragement. We scroll Instagram, seeing other women juggling one hundred and one activities and compare ourselves to that standard. Except we’re often not comparing accurately.
Here’s what you’ll see if you look at my Instagram: I’m a room parent at my children’s school, new member in the Junior League, furiously trying to complete my cups in time for Cleo Friday, never turning down a themed brunch, and attempting to put the finishing design touches on our home (three years after we moved in).
Now here’s the truth: I do none of these things without help. As a mom to three, one of which is a mere nine months old, I’m at a stage in my life where I outsource everything I can. Dinner? I found a fantastic lady who delivers prepared meals in my neighborhood for the same price as a meal kit! Housekeeping? I’ve hired out help for that. Childcare? We have a nanny and my parents live close by. Gardening? Yeah, we’ve hired out for that too. My husband is also a more than equal partner in taking care of the house and kids.
You see, I’m not “doing it all.” The privileged truth is that I’m doing things I enjoy because I have help to manage them. Take away any of this support system and it would fall like a house of cards.
And here’s another piece of truth — even with the support system I mentioned above, I’m still dropping balls. I fail to gracefully juggle all the things on my to-do list while making time for things that truly fill me up. I am often left feeling exhausted, lacking and wishing I could catapult myself to whatever phase of life includes drastically decreasing the number of Zoom meetings.
Let’s acknowledge that there is no point in comparing ourselves to anyone we consider “doing it all” because chances are good that they have someone behind the scenes helping them towards the finish line. If we don’t have access to that same help, the comparison will lead to frustration and self-doubt. We have enough going on in our lives to take up any space doubting our own abilities because we’re comparing them to picture perfect snapshots that don’t tell the whole story. Don’t do it all — just do you.