Confessions From the Postpartum Trenches
I am what most people would call a “seasoned” mom. I just gave birth to my third kid and I have a six and four year old at home. In other words, this isn’t my first rodeo.
Still … can I admit something to you? As experienced as I thought I was, this postpartum experience has thrown me for a loop. Granted, I’m only about three weeks in but I felt so experienced going into this birth that I wasn’t prepared to feel anything but happiness and joy.
So here’s the truth, straight from the very gritty postpartum trenches.
Confession #1: If it’s been a few years between kids, the age difference will be a double edged sword.
When my second son was born, I had a two year old at home. As you can imagine, our two year old was not pleased about our new houseguest. We essentially had two babies at home and it was chaotic.
The now four and six year age difference is truly a world of difference. They’re old enough to help fetch blankets and diapers and they’re enamored with their little sister. Plus, they’re self-sufficient. Unlike my last postpartum experience, we also don’t have a toddler to entertain and there’s only one person in diapers. All of those elements are a plus in my book.
Here’s where the double edged sword comes in. We had it easy … and we didn’t even realize it. Because our kids were self-sufficient, we had recently entered the somewhat easier phase of parenting and now we’re starting over. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss those days and wasn’t eagerly looking forward to my sweet newborn becoming a little older.
Perhaps because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it can be really hard not to wish time forward in these first few postpartum weeks.
Confession #2: The big “L” will creep in
Loneliness. Even if you try to fill your days with stroller walks and coffee chats and trying to be productive in between feedings, the loneliness will creep on in. Part of it, I tell myself, is just hormones. But another very real part of motherhood is that you might be mothering on your own for a bit. This time around, I was too busy for prenatal yoga and new parents groups, so unlike times before, I don’t have a built in circle of mom friends who just had babies.
As a seasoned mom, I know I’ll make new mom friends eventually but in these early weeks, motherhood can feel so very lonely.
Confession #3: It can be hard to remember that everything is for just a moment
In my seasoned “momness,” you would think I would remember that every stage in a baby’s life is for a short amount of time. Before I know it, my newborn will be sitting up, then crawling, wadding and running after her big brothers. Any mom knows that we blink and they grow up.
Even so, I struggle to remember this on a daily basis. I so struggle to not wish time forward and I will admit that I’m counting down the days until my baby is out of the newborn stage. I struggle to stay in the moment and enjoy the newborn scrunch and littleness.
I have to tell myself constantly to stay in the moment. Just stay in the moment and enjoy.
So if you see me strolling around Uptown, give me a wave and remind me that “this is only for a season.” Overlook the t-shirt with spit up on it and maybe even tell me my hair looks nice. Because it’s hard out here in the trenches.
