Climbing out of the Postpartum Depression Trenches
It happened while on family vacation this summer. Walking around the fourth floor of the beautiful Lego House and surrounded by happy kids and excited parents, I silently wondered the best way to jump off the roof. I was in the deepest moment of my postpartum depression and all I could see before me was darkness.
As a third-time mom, I was no stranger to postpartum hormones. Preparing for this last pregnancy, I knew that an important way to reduce the risk of postpartum depression was to make sure you have a robust support system, which I did. I had help from my parents, my neighbors, a husband who supported in a million different ways. We even hired a night nanny to make sure I was getting enough sleep. In other words, we did all the things you’re supposed to do and I still suffered from a PPD so bad that it almost ended my life.
The signs started as baby blues, a normal wave of sadness that almost every new mom experiences. But there’s a difference between baby blues and PPD. Baby blues should dissipate a couple of weeks into postpartum. PPD, on the other hand, can strike months after giving birth.
PPD came over me like a wave about two weeks after bringing my baby home. Once again, I did what I was supposed to and raised the flag to my doctor at my six-week appointment. But postpartum care in America is severely lacking and my doctor, while an excellent OB, told me we would “keep an eye on it” and sent me on my way.
I slipped deeper into the pit over the next two months. If you looked at my Instagram, you certainly couldn’t tell. But if you looked closely into my eyes, you would have seen a vacant expression. And if you had tried to hold a conversation with me, you would have almost certainly noticed the heaviness in my voice.
What ultimately helped dig me out of the PPD dip was medication. After that scary moment on vacation, the first thing I did when I returned home was to message my doctor and demand medication. Two days later, I began taking Zoloft and four months in, I can tell you it has made a world of difference.
If you look into my eyes now, you will see life. I share my story because PPD can be a hidden beast. You can do everything right – have every resource at your disposal – and still, it can strike.
Are you in a PPD pit? I want so badly to reach down and pull you out. Please don’t be silent. Ask for help. Demand that doctor listen and act. You are not alone. There’s a whole bright world waiting for you to come up for air.
