3 Things I Learned About Parenting from Living in Germany
You’ve likely heard of “Bringing Up Bebe,” the memoir of raising a baby in France that promised to share the wisdom in French parenting. I could probably write a similar book about parenting in Germany, and it would probably be titled “The Opposite of Helicopter Parenting.”
I’m married to a German, and we’ve lived off and on in Germany for months throughout the years. It’s been exciting field research observing just how different parenting is compared to America. While I prefer to leave some German parenting in the land of brot and liverwurst, I have learned a few things that I’ve tried incorporating into raising my children.
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Kids can (and should) play in all types of weather
There’s a saying in Germany — “there’s no bad weather, only bad clothing.” It’s common to see kids on the playground during rain, shine or snow. In the winter, kids have snowsuits that wick away the moisture. In the summer, they have rain suits that allow them to splash, play and stay dry. Now, does Germany have 98-degree days with 100% humidity? No. Of course, we can’t always let kids play outside when it’s dangerous for their health, but I’ve learned to let kids experience playing in more than just sunshine. After all, I can tell you that they’re not made of sugar and won’t melt.
2. Kids learn by doing, even when they fail (especially when they fail)
On a playground in the middle of Berlin, I noticed something – I was the only parent hovering over my child. The tall, steel slide didn’t look safe, and I was afraid he would fall without my guidance. Behind him were other similarly aged children except their parents were relaxing on the park bench. I felt very American with my helicopter parenting that day. That night, my husband explained something to me. German parents believe that an important part of learning is fierce independence. A child will learn not to do something by trying and failing. And it’s important that parents let them experience this. American parenting is about preventing consequences by preventing the action, while German parenting is about learning about the consequences by experiencing the action. This can be deeply uncomfortable for me, but I’ve grown to love the fostering of independence. It’s definitely challenged me to let my kids try, fail, and learn before immediately jumping in.
3. Underschedule kids and let them be bored
There’s a tendency in our culture to pack every weekday full of activities. I am guilty of this myself. After all, we want our kids to experience a variety of activities to find something they love. In Germany, the opposite is expected. It’s very typical for most kids to have very limited extracurricular activities, usually focusing on one particular area instead of many. German parents believe that kids should learn to entertain themselves and that it’s hard to do when every inch of their day is packed to the brim. I love this approach, and as hard as it can feel to practice, this is one parenting tenet I hope to embrace.
