From as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. Baby dolls were definitely my favorite toys. I am not sure I ever envisioned whether I would have all girls, all boys, or some combination thereof. Probably the latter. But here I sit, the mother of two boys, and I can say with absolute certainty, I wouldn’t have it any other way. If you have the honor of having a little boy, you will definitely be able to relate the following depiction of life with boy(s).
20 Signs That You are a Mom to a Boy
1. There will be dirt EVERYWHERE. Copious amounts of it in the oddest places. When you take their shoes off, dirt will fall out. When you take their diaper off, again, dirt. Look in their scalp, I guarantee you will find dirt.
2. They will discover their penis and never. let. it. go. No real shock here, only that the early age at which they make this discovery took me by surprise. Warning: this newfound discovery will most likely occur during bath time.
3. In relation to number 2, they will want to talk about their penis, who has one, who doesn’t etc. For example, our first conversation about who has a penis went like this:Mark: Daddy, you have a penis? George: Yes, son. Mark: Mark has a penis? Me: Yes, Mark, you have a penis too. Mark: Mommy, you have a penis. Me: Nope. Mark: Oh. :::thinks::: It’s Hiding!
4. There is an inability to distinguish between and inside an outside voice. Yelling, lots of yelling.
5. Every spherical object is a ball in their eyes. And of course, must be thrown no matter where you are, to whom, or if the recipient is aware a ball is flying full speed ahead in their direction. Even the red cement balls outside of Target are just begging to be kicked or thrown. Ensue tantrum when they cannot be moved.
6. Most household items are drums begging to be beaten. Loudly. Especially when baby brother is taking a nap.
7. Your body is no longer your own, but rather a personal jungle gym. Sitting on the floor is an engraved invitation to be crawled on, under, and over. I like to believe that wrestling is a language of love.
8. Similar to number 7, your furniture no longer serves its intended purpose. Instead it is an obstacle course that must be mastered at least once per day. Accordingly, you have probably referred to your child as a daredevil at least once before his first birthday.
9. All clothing is optional. I literally walked out of the living room for FOUR minutes to put the wet clothes into the dryer and came back to my son, previously fully clothed, wearing only a shirt pulled over his neck so his arms were the only part of his body “clothed.” I am convinced this relates to number 2.
10. Even though clothing is optional, you will need to increase your budget because they will be so rough on clothes and shoes you will be inclined to blame the manufacturer. No need, that is your rough-and-tumble acrobat doing summersaults on the pavement repeatedly, despite failing to land upright.
11. You will be beautiful to your child, and he will ask you to marry him while he is young. Savor his innocence.
12. He cannot get from point A to point B fast enough. Be prepared for many slip and falls and frequent ER visits.
13. Every nook and cranny is a fort destined to be crawled into.
14. Bad aim starts early. Be prepared for pee to be everywhere. I’m convinced it is being used for target practice, although I’m not sure where the intended target is on my bathroom floor.
15. If you refer to his dress shoes as “boots,” he will wear them excitedly and without complaint. Speaking of shoes, daddy’s are the best and must be tried on for size.
16. Puddles exist for one reason – to be jumped in.
17. Modes of transportation (boats, trucks, planes and trains) are infinitely fascinating and never lose their awe.
18. Coloring on the pages of a coloring book is quite simply too boring for words. Now, if they can use the walls as their canvas, now we’re talking!
19. Hugs come in the form of full body slams.
20. You will love someone of the opposite sex more than you ever dreamed possible and completely unconditional. And he will love you back the same for a period of time. You will be the most beautiful girl in the world to him. Relish that. We all know that our baby boys grow up to be men and are not as generous with affection but little boys love their mommies. Soak up the kisses and hugs because this time is but fleeting.