When people see that I am pregnant, they immediately ask if I know the sex of the baby. When I respond, “Yes, I am having a girl,” they immediately ask if my husband and I have a name picked out yet. To that question I respond, “Yes, but we are not telling people until she’s born.”
I used to tell people that we hadn’t decided on a name yet, but that response tended to elicit name suggestions at a rapid fire pace. Instead of awkwardly pretending to consider their suggestions, I just started telling people that we are keeping the name a secret until the baby is born. Some people understand our decision to keep the name private, but others keep prodding, not quite understanding why we won’t share the name. Well, there are three reasons why we aren’t sharing our baby’s name.
1. Naming a baby is hard.
Naming a child is a hard thing to do. It’s a lot of fun to do in theory, but when you are actually assigned the task of giving another human being his/her IDENTITY, suddenly there is a very heavy weight on your shoulders. What if your kids don’t like their names? What if they are picked on because of their names? What if every kid in the class has the same name?
Remember the episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel were brainstorming ideas for their baby? That is what it was like for my husband and me when we were trying to name our first child. It was basically a nonstop vetoing session. We have very different tastes when it comes to boys’ names. I like last names and more obscure names for boys while my husband likes very traditional names. The only traditional name on which we could agree was Benjamin. So, after much debate, our son was finally named nearly two days after he was born. And though it wasn’t my first (or tenth) choice, I think it was the right choice because our boy is totally a Ben.
For our second child, the naming process was pain free. We chose our daughter’s name only days after finding out that we were having a girl. My husband vetoed my first choice, but, surprisingly, he liked my second choice! It was such a relief to have decided on the name so early on in the pregnancy that I don’t want anything to make me second guess it. This leads me to the second reason we don’t share the name.
2. We don’t want opinions.
There are so many factors that go into naming a child and whether or not your great-aunt or colleague like it should not be one of them. Sure, there will be a few rude people who question your name choice once it’s already on the birth certificate, but most people will keep their opinions to themselves once the name is already set in stone. Before the name is official, people are much more open with their opinions. My friend’s neighbor recently asked her if she knew what she was naming her unborn child. My friend said, “Yes,” and told her neighbor the name that she and her husband had chosen. Her neighbor’s response? A laundry list of other names to consider. Um…no thanks?
3. I want there to be one element of surprise.
Another reason that we aren’t sharing the name is because we want there to be an element of surprise. (Well, I do. I don’t think my husband cares about this one.) We were too impatient to wait to find out the sex of the baby, and we were too excited not to share the information with everyone. The name is the only element of surprise that we have left because, really, who honestly cares about the length and weight of the child or what time she is born? Aside from the sex of the baby, what new parents have chosen to name their child is the most exciting part of a birth announcement, so we are going to keep our daughter’s name to ourselves until she is born.
In addition, sometimes you change your mind after you see your child. A close friend had picked out a name and shared it with our group of friends, but after their child was born the name just didn’t fit. Unbeknownst to her, one of our friends had a customized blanket made with the original name. It made for a very awkward situation for my friend because our other friend was very offended…even though she probably should have waited until the name was on the birth certificate before purchasing such a thoughtful and personal gift.
My mother is very opinionated about her Grand children’s names & she gave my sister a very hard time with her selections. Her first child, my mom said “that sounds like a stripper!” and lucky for mom, the 2nd child ended up being a girl so she was not named Rocky! Lucky for me, we were too indecisive & had to make game time decisions! You know how that saying goes, “opinions are like________, everybody has one.”
I chose to pretend that I did not know what we were naming our daughter. All along she felt like a Makenna. My family hated that name. I learned as long as you like the name that is all that matters. The name will eventually grow on everyone else. Having a baby should be a fun time not a stressful one, therefore never let others opinions ruin this joyous occassion. One thing I learned is just say the name is a surprise because if not you will be subjected to a plethora of suggestions.
It has been my experience that the name is usually awful and they know it but they like it. They don’t want your opinion on it. An example is Carrolline – they had their reasons why they wanted it, but boy do you feel sorry for that poor child.
We kept our son’s name a secret until he was born because A) we had no interest in hearing other people’s opinions on yet another aspect of pregnancy/new baby and B) it was nice to have one element that was just between my husband and I. Originally we said that we hadn’t decided, but by the third trimester we were upfront that we weren’t announcing the name until he was here. The reactions from strangers were fine either way, most people took it at face value and kept their opinions to themselves. Certain portions of the family, however, were obnoxious and demanding with an attitude that they had a *right* to know our baby’s name.
And no, the name we chose is not awful. It’s traditional without being super popular.
DH and I have been together 11 years, married for 7 when we found out we were accidentally pregnant, we’ve had names picked out for years, so it’s not like anyone can say anything about them, especially since the boy’s is a family name. That being said, MIL is hell bent on calling him some random name she’s picked out that she hasn’t divulged to us yet. It’s a good thing she’s on the opposite coast so I don’t have to hide my eye rolls.
My husband and I told people as soon as we knew it. Almost all of our reactions were positive with a few family members not liking it but I was confident in the name and didn’t care whether or not people liked it. If I had another child, I would still reveal the name. But I think it’s exciting when I have friends or family that don’t reveal things. Gives me something to look forward to other than the beautiful new baby.
My husband and I kept both of our kids names to ourselves. Mainly bc we didn’t want anyone’s opinion or our choice questioned. We pretended to not make up our minds but that ended quickly after the name suggestions came pouring in. Then, after saying we had a name and weren’t sharing we were quickly annoyed with the guessing and “give me a hint”. We also chose not give our little girl a middle name. So glad that wasn’t revealed until her birth either bc we are still getting crap for that? Our second child we didn’t find out the gender so the not knowing the name game stuck a little longer. And we really couldn’t decided. Not knowing the gender usually stopped the family, friends, and stranger’s name suggestions from flowing in. And the baby ended up being nameless for about a week. After seeing him (it was a boy!) we started over on names. Yikes. I can tell my MIL doesn’t like his name. He’s almost 2 now and she will still ask me “how did u decided on his name again”…she’s digging for something not there! And it’s a pretty normal boy name-nothing weird, but not that common. Yeah, I recommend not sharing the name!!
My husband and I have 3 children. We did the same thing for all 3, for the same reasons explained. It was a great decision and I would recommend this to anyone.
I completely understand these reasons! We just had our fifth child 8 wks ago and we kept her name a secret the whole time. Of course people weren’t too happy and tried everything to get us to spill the beans!!! The four other children have B names and of course this little blessing had to have a B name as well. I knew the name would get mixed reviews and I didn’t want to hear the opinions. I commented a few days after her birth that no one had any negative remarks…at least not that were directly told to us. What was done was done….and Breck fits her perfectly!