Thoughts on being done having babies and having baby fever
The two don’t seem to go hand in hand, but for me they do. You see my husband and I started out young. We got married at nineteen and twenty one and had our first baby quickly after that. Now we are twenty seven and twenty nine, and our youngest is almost two. There’s a middle kid mixed in there too. I always said I wanted to be done having babies by the time I was thirty. That’s not to say that I couldn’t change my mind, but as I creep up on thirty, I am feeling more confident in my decision.
Now that our baby is close to two, I am starting to get that fever.
You know the one I am talking about. All the baby things are so cute, all the new gear they are coming out with, the butterflies when a close friend mentions they’re expecting, and anticipating with them the birth of their youngest. My baby is at that really cute toddler age where she is sleeping through the night, communicating with us, playing with her siblings, and even slept out for the first time! Which means I also have more down time to think about and miss all of those baby things. The snuggles, the new baby smell, the gear (because let’s be honest – I am addicted to baby gear), and the excitement.
I think a lot of it has to do with having a baby or thinking of having the next baby for the last eight years so I have kind of put my identity into it. If you think about stopping something you have placed your identity in, then it truly becomes a scary thing. In my head, I’m done. Three was hard for me for so many reasons, and the fourth? It may just do me in. Throw in the medical side of it, and I am paralyzed by fear. Seeing the relationship that the kids have with each other is the cutest thing I have ever seen. When I look at my kids, I know that I am doing something right. That even in the hard moments, the unknown, the wondering how much therapy they will need to recover from me, all the scary, that at the end of the day, they are my greatest accomplishment.
Not even to mention the fact that our youngest is almost two so she’s getting to the easier stage.
Having another baby would be like starting all over again. Every time I think I have convinced myself I want another baby, I remember how easy the ‘baby’ is getting and talk myself right back out of it. Then I think how it’s only a couple more years in the grand scheme of things, which isn’t a big deal. I will just leave it in God’s hands as to what is next for our family. After all, He does know best and has far better plans than I could ever ask for or dream of. Plus I still have two years to decide