I’m the Queen of this Castle

For a few years after I gave birth to a litter of little boys, people would ask if we were going to try for a girl. What, and give up my position as Queen of the castle? I don’t think so!

photo by Christina Childress Photography
The Queen and her minions

As the only female in a house of males – three boy children, one boy husband, and even a boy dog, I am afforded many privileges.

Since I share a bathroom with the boys (gotta love old houses without master baths), I get to clean up puddles of urine nearly every morning! I can’t complain, really. I’ve learned so much about toilets in the five years since the boys have been potty trained. You girl moms might be amazed at the places that pee can get. Pretty incredible. I dream of the day I can have a bathroom that is completely smooth, with no crevices or anything where pee can collect. Basically, a marble room with a drain and a shower head. Where I don’t have to use my master plunging skills every other day or so.

Another benefit of being the only female in a house of men is that I have gotten really good at running away from farts. And also fart jokes.

On a related note, I can easily make all four of the human males in the house dissolve in giggles by saying the word “balls.”

“Hey boys, where are your balls?” I might ask, before soccer practice.

Yes, I get it. They’re in your pants. But what about your soccer balls? Sigh.

Note: You can also get this reaction by using the word “nuts.”

And I’ll bet all those girls moms out there don’t have the near-encyclopedic knowledge of Pokemon that I boast. (Also I have learned how to drive boys crazy – say “Pokey-man” and it will enrage them.) Their friend Millie was also into Pokemon, so I do recognize it’s not a boy-only phenomenon. But I’m just saying, I’ll bet Millie’s mom couldn’t tell the difference between a Lumineon and a Relicanth.

It might sound like I’m complaining about having boys. I can assure you; I would change nothing about my life. When I was pregnant, before we heard the doctor declare “it’s a boy!” three times, I knew I was going to be a boy mama. I was made to be a mama of boys, even without a love of sports or any other cliche you can think of. I love their filthy fingernails, sweaty heads, boring toys, stinky feet, and everything that’s the same about having kids, regardless of their sex. But this way, I get to be the Queen.

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My name is Pam, and I live in Algiers Point with my husband George and my identical triplets Linus, Oliver, and Miles. I work from home as a Happiness Engineer for Automattic. I enjoy reading and photography and sewing (and blogging!)

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