How to (Not) Be Santa Claus: A New Mom’s Guide
I’m on my third Christmas, and I still do not have things figured out. I have no clue what I’m doing, and I cannot help but feel like the foundation I am creating (or lack thereof) is setting my son up for future Santa confusion and disappointment.
I don’t know if it is because I am indecisive or the fact that I am not 100% on the Santa train, but nonetheless, there has been no Santa visit to our house as of yet. In case you’re wondering, his appearance this year does not look promising either. I did not realize how complicated this Santa business is, and I am left with more questions than answers about how to successfully play the role of Santa Claus. So, for now, all I have to offer is a list of steps I have taken to successfully thwart the role of Santa and fail once again.
1. Bring your children with you when you shop.
It wasn’t until my son asked for his Christmas presents (presents I thought I had just “sneaked” into the trunk of the car) that I realized children are perceptive little people. I thought for sure he would not notice the toys I purchased at the toy store because they were wrapped in wrapping paper. How could he know those were for him?
2. Hide the presents conspicuously.
Somehow my son knows those Amazon Prime boxes I have stowed away in the closet are for him. He even refers to them as presents! Is there a newfangled way of determining the contents of a cardboard box? I want to know how my parents managed to hide presents from me. Unless I was a blissfully ignorant child, which I very well could have been, I am pretty sure they had a built-in safe beneath their closet in order to hide presents and keep the Santa magic alive.
3. Fail to tell your child about Santa.
I don’t know who I thought would cover the Santa details, but apparently that duty falls on my shoulders. The fact that my son refers to Santa as the “Christmas guy” sheds a glaring light on my ineptitude. I mean, he at least knows the Christmas guy says “ho! ho! ho!” and has pet reindeer. The man who brings gifts under the tree? My son hasn’t a clue. Maybe I should read more Santa books? Or start clarifying that the Christmas guy has an actual name?
4. Leave no evidence of Santa.
We were given reindeer food last year, and my son had more fun watching the dog eat it. I may have failed to mention the food was for Santa’s reindeer. The cookies were baked, decorated, and devoured–none left for Santa. No powdery footsteps were left and that elf hasn’t budged an inch.
5. Question everything.
Does Santa bring all the gifts or just a couple? Stockings on the fireplace or shoes by the door? Are the gifts wrapped in special Santa paper? Or are the gifts set around the tree? Does he leave hints about his presence like jingle bells on the roof or powdery footprints on the ground? What about the cookies and reindeer food – where does that end up?
Hear me out – I don’t dislike the idea of Santa Claus. I think he is a great representation of the holiday season with his spirit of gift giving. I’m just not sure where he fits into our family.
I hope to have things figured out before my son starts to ask questions. But for now, I think I’ll settle for him calling Santa the “Christmas guy.”