In Favor of the Thong

G-string, tanga, cheeky, hipster, bikini, boybrief, boyshort, and, of course, hi-waisted AKA granny panties. The options are there for all body types and sizes. And, plenty of times, what we gravitate toward as young twenty-something hopefuls could drastically change over the years as we become forty-something realists. But, despite the drastic fluctuating weight changes from all the kids I’ve had, the constant physical activity I endure chasing after said kids, the expense, and just the fact that I’m someone’s respectable mother, I stand firmly behind the thong.

No more pesky panty lines!

I started wearing thongs at the young age of 15. Now, before anyone starts thinking my high school self needed Jesus, hear me out. I wasn’t wearing these next-to-nothing undergarments to feel attractive or to show off my cheeks. I started wearing them because of those pesky panty lines. Tell me, for all my full-coverage panty lovers out there, how does one keep the bottom tucked right beneath the butt cheek when squeezing into a pair of skinny jeans? And, what do you do to keep the back-side of the fabric from bunching? These were all self-doubting dilemmas for me that not only were aggravating but also caused me to be incredibly insecure about drawing attention to my backside. Could anyone see my panty lines? I painstakingly remember, as a young teenager, walking down the church aisle with my family and worrying who could see what. The thought of someone noticing my panty-line, to me, made me cringe as my undergarments should not be at the forefront of anyone’s mind (especially in Church, am I right?!). I didn’t want panty lines then, and I certainly don’t want them now. My trusty thong has eliminated this insecurity for me.

Bringing sexy back!

Ok, let’s be real. Thongs can straight up be sexy, and no one needs to feel sexy more than a thirty-something, full-time working mother who doesn’t have a maid or a babysitter. Let the a**-less garments work their magic! Catch a breeze on a Spring day up the backside of your dress! Go ahead and let him sneak a quick grab only to be met with bare nakedness (oh my!). And, while wearing these very suggestive panties can do wonders intimately, they can also instill a sense of confidence in yourself as well! Thongs, especially the cute lacey ones, give me that sense of sex appeal leaving me with all the confidence in the world and maybe some ideas for later (wink! wink!).

Parting with wedgy picking!

I know! I know! The number 1 complaint of thongs: “It’s like having a wedgy 24/7!”

Ok, yes and no. I would be lying if I said this was never the case. The first few days I started wearing thongs, I was aware of the butt floss wedged between my cheeks. But, after sorting through the different fabrics, brands, and styles, I found what fit comfortably for me and never thought of it again…truly. However, what seemed to override the evident wedgy-like feeling at the time was the fact that I would never need to pick one ever again! Now, if the mere sight of a panty line was enough to drive me crazy, imagine my embarrassment when picking a wedgy. No one escapes awkwardness when being caught picking a wedgy, as this is a very challenging maneuver to do discreetly. Again, I don’t want to draw any attention to my backside or to my unmentionables. The thong has erased said shame for me, and I can live a happy life wedgy-picking-free!

Look, we all have our preferences and comfort levels when it comes to our underwear, but all I’m saying is to not rule out the thong so quickly or judge others who wear them. Give it a chance. You might just surprise yourself. There’s a myriad of fabrics and thong styles to keep you from wiggling in your seat, and don’t worry! Kotex, Carefree, and Always have us thong lovers covered each month! Sure, cheekies are cute, hipsters are happenin’, and boy briefs are anything but boring, but this thankful momma will continue to thrive in her thong! (Alexa, play “Thong Song” by Sisqo).


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