“Everybody, look over here, smile!”
Snap, snap, snap. I’m forever taking pictures of my children. Whether it’s capturing their smile on their birthday or just snapping a picture of them playing outside, I’m always taking pictures of them. With having my phone on me 24/7, I am never without a camera. If you take a look at my phone, you will see hundreds upon hundreds of pictures and videos.
But, where am I?
I didn’t notice how much I am not in pictures with my children until my aunt brought it up on Facebook asking where I was in the most recent pictures that I posted. While I laughed it off saying how I’m always the one behind the camera taking the picture, it did make me wonder when the last time there was a picture of myself with the boys. So I scrolled up and down my phone and I quickly found I was hundreds of pictures deep in pictures, and I was nowhere to be found, or missing in action if you will.
To be honest, though, I dislike the way I look and feel so it’s natural that I avoid the camera. It’s not that I don’t want to take pictures with them, I just would rather see a picture of their adorable smiles instead of me in the background. It’s easier for me to be the one to take it.
“Let’s all take a picture!”
I’m lucky to be surrounded by some fun and encouraging moms. Whenever we are together, one of us is ready to capture the moment. I always try to stand in the back or the side, you know to hide myself some.
It’s not that I dislike pictures. I absolutely love pictures. I share them on social media, make photo books and display pictures in frames all over my home. The problem is how I see myself.
What if the picture shows that I’m weeks past a hair dye? All those greys will be shown.
A picture on the beach? You must be kidding me. What if my cellulite is visible? Should I get a towel and cover up?
A group picture with my gal pals? I instantly get a bit squeamish. I’m not confident in myself and start thinking of all my insecurities. In my head, anxieties are flying around. Do I have pepper in my tooth? Should I put my hand on my hip? I should have worn something more slimming. I know I should have been using my Crest white strips!
I need to just grin and bear it!
I’ve realized in my 30+ years on this Earth that I’ll never be picture perfect. However, I do want to be present. I want my kids to know I was there on Christmas morning, at their school performance and playing with them outside. I also want to be smiling in the pictures with my husband. And those Moms Night Outs? Yes, I want to be confident and smile brightly in those as well.
I’ve decided I am going to take more pictures with my kids, even if that means it may show the reality that I haven’t showered yet that day and I have leftover mascara on from the night before.
I will kindly ask a stranger on vacation at the beach to take a picture of my family, despite my insecurities in a bathing suit.
While out on a date with my husband, I will ask the waiter to snap the rare image of us out sans kids.
And when I am out with my best gal pals, I won’t change spots with a friend to hide myself; I’ll gladly say cheese and smile!