Mima, Pere, and Nana are the names of my children’s living grandparents. When I first had children, I wanted to nurture a close relationship with their grandparents. I grew up especially close to my maternal grandparents and wanted the same for my kids. It was quite seamless and even traditional the first few years of their lives. But I’m divorced now and family dynamics change. The two sets of grandparents relationship is one of consideration, that at first, does not come to mind. Just like your children love both Mom and Dad, they love all of their grandparents. Grandparents experience divorce also. They came together at one time to celebrate the union of their children. What do you do after that comes to an end? Grandparents share the love of their grandchildren and that common love has served as the loving tie that bonds them still together.
There are so many ways the relationships with Grandparents could go after divorce and I’m very grateful it is one of mutual love and support.
The grandparents are kind and loving to each other, sharing in the children’s milestones and even taking the Grandparents’ Day at school picture together. My children have not missed a beat or felt any wave of disruption with their relationships of Mom and Dad’s “former in-laws.” And that took a conscious decision of the entire village.
I am so fortunate to still have a close relationship with my girls’ paternal grandmother.
I would not want my children to only have a relationship with her via their father.
And I wanted it to be appropriate and possible that their dad could pick up the kids from my parents’ home if needed. And the children are reaping the benefits. And as a divorced parent, I am as well! When school was out for the summer and there were gaps with summer camp, my children’s paternal grandmother was a life saver! Without hesitation, she cared for the girls while we were working. Moreover, she was kind and loving with me as I was making the majority of the arrangements.
While under “normal” circumstances, this would be a given. Remembering that I divorced from this family and no longer carried their name. Instead of all the ways it could go, their paternal grandmother has remained loving to me! This love and welcoming relationship extends from my parents as well. My parents hosted the First Communion celebration which extended to warmly including my child’s father and his family.
My children only know they have grandparents that love them so much. That love them to the sky! They don’t know how everyone has risen above what could be messy and full of hurt. It’s always Grandparents’ Day for my children, all around! And for that, I am so grateful.