Re|Engage :: A Better Marriage Starts Here

Re|Engage :: A Better Marriage Starts Here

My husband and I have had a rocky relationship between financial struggles and dealing with my oldest son’s who is autistic and has academic and social struggles. There always seems to be something in the center of our marriage that causes tension. Lately, it has been our youngest son’s behavior and how we handle him daily.

One of my dear friends asked me if Bryan and I wanted to attend a marriage class at her church. It was no secret that I felt our marriage was not what I wanted it to be.

Re|engage is a 13-week course that we attended every Wednesday at Celebration Church in Kenner. Our group was filled with mostly close friends, so we felt comfortable talking to them about every detail of our marriage and honestly most of them knew that we had issues.

The class begins each week with worship and a testimony from one of the couples that lead a group. Their stories were difficult to hear, some of those couples had life-changing experiences that would often bring me to tears. My marriage was nothing like that, we did not have addiction, past abuse, or infidelity so how would we be able to attend this class trying to overcome smaller issues? Our issues really cannot compare to the bigger issues that some of the couples had, and they even made it through some things that I could never picture myself staying married through.

Each week, we had a topic to discuss along with homework. The workbook that was provided to us had each lesson, discussion questions, Bible verses and suggested ways to combat the issues at hand. Each week, my husband and I would do our homework together, and 99% of the time, it ended in a fight. Sometimes, we did not even finish the lesson on the same day; we would have to come back to it another day.

I fully went into this process knowing that the class was going to be centered around my husband’s faults. After all, he was the issue in our marriage, not me.

On the first day, our small group leader asked us to imagine a circle around us, we were the only person in that circle, and we were the only one who could change that person, we cannot worry about anyone outside that circle as we cannot change them. Seems simple, right? Boy, was I wrong. The class turned into focusing on me and my faults, and why am I the one that struggles daily with my marriage.

Does my husband have his faults? Absolutely! But I can not forgive, I can not let go …. in order to forgive and let go, you have to have peacemaking and make amends. This is something that I struggle with very deeply and daily. I am still upset about something that my husband did 2 weeks ago, even after he apologized daily for it. I find it hard to believe and that he is remorseful of his actions.

As Christians, my husband and I try to lead a life that is godly. And I was often reminded that Jesus forgives us of our sins, so I need to remember that when trying to forgive my husband. The course is over now, and I am still struggling daily with that concept.

Humility was another hot topic for me. I came to realize that I feel that I am the better parent, spouse, and person than my husband. I am very prideful. Being diagnosed with OCD, I like things done my way at home and in a timely manner. My husband is quite the opposite. But we must meet in the middle … and I do not like that at all!

The class covered everything from sexual intimacy (another hot topic), communication, and how we are going to invest in our marriage from here on out.

To say I was shocked at the outcome of this class is an understatement. I have learned so much about myself and my marriage, and we have been provided with the tools focused on having a healthy, happy marriage. We tend to just move through life instead of nurturing our marriage with love and care.  And now we are going to put God at the center of our marriage. I am extremely grateful that we both had the opportunity to attend this class, and I am very excited about our future together!

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