My husband and I see a marriage counselor. We’re not the least bit ashamed or embarrassed. You see, we decided to get ahead of the game and see her often, even though we don’t “need it.”
Like most couples, my husband and I bicker. We argue about leaving cabinet doors open or letting the kids eat candy or whether or not rolling our eyes is the rudest response (or lack there of) one can give. So after a particularly argumentative week, we decided to see a counselor.
We spent two one-hour sessions talking about what went on that week and learned some new ways to communicate. We were hooked right off the bat.
After that second session, the doctor said, “you two really don’t need to come here. You guys have it good compared to most couples I see.”
“Well, thanks,” we said, “but we don’t want to have it good; we want to have it great.”
Some weeks we talk about whose responsibility it is to ensure my husband has clean underwear. (Is it mine because I wash the laundry? Or is it his because only he knows when he’s down to his last pair??) In fact, we come back to this topic often.
Laugh if you will, but in these repetitive conversations we learn about each other. It’s a safe environment where nothing is silly and we aren’t too busy trying to hold a conversation while simultaneously entertaining/feeding/bathing four kids. It’s time for us to invest in being better for each other – for ourselves.
It wasn’t long before we started to be able to identify each other’s triggers and how to avoid them. If we are frustrated, we talk about it, even if it’s something really small & seemingly stupid. We do this so that ten things don’t build up into one big blow-up about something that’s not really about that at all.
We still bicker. We still argue sometimes. But now we have a tool-belt full of skills that make it so that those moments are fewer and further between. Most importantly, can also ensure how we respond to each other during those moments isn’t damaging.
I’m loving each opportunity to learn to communicate with my husband. Marriage counseling has made us better spouses, better parents and better friends. We are setting an example for our children so they will know that they can ask for help before they “need it.”
I’m Tara’s stepmother so not sure if it’s ok to respond but, just wanted to say this is an excellent article. She’s absolutely correct that communication is so important, not just in a marriage but with all relationships. Being as much of a friend to your spouse as you would to other friends and having a sense of humor also help. I am so proud of Josh and Tara in how they handle not only their relationship but, also their relationships to their children.
Aww, thank you Nancy!